“I know you do,” Lara says.
“But I didn’t think it would be this hard.”
“Tell me what’s hard.”
I push back and press my fingers into my brow. “You know me. I have a history. I have demons, things I don’t like to talk about or acknowledge for that matter, and it seems like everyone is trying to get into my business and make me talk about the things that cloud my mind.” I twist my tumbler in my hand. “It’s dredging up memories, nightmares.”
“You’re having nightmares again?” Lara asks. “The same nightmares about your parents?”
I nod. “I haven’t had one since Harrogate, and now . . .” I swallow hard. “They feel more real than ever.”
“Have you told Lilly?” I shake my head. “Why not?” she asks. “You need to tell her when you’re going through something like this.”
“And show her how much less of a man I am?” I ask. “She’s already marrying lower than she should.”
Lara tilts her head in disappointment. “Keller, I thought you worked through those thoughts.”
“I did.”
“Doesn’t seem like it when you say things like that.”
Frustrated, I turn toward Lara. “You don’t get it, Lara. You don’t see the way people look at me when I’m next to her or when they want to get to know me. Lilly comes from this prestigious background—”
“Selling bikinis in the back of a truck in South Beach, Miami doesn’t really scream prestigious.”
“That’s not what I’m talking about. Her blood is royal. Mine is not, and I’ve come to terms with that, but I don’t need people like a gothi or a wedding planner digging into my background. I don’t need them knowing about my demons, my fears, my inadequacies. This is a marriage, not a fucking full-on background check. King Theo has already approved of me. I don’t need anyone else’s approval.”
“Is that what you think is going on here? That they’re trying to decide whether you’re good enough?”
I drag my hand over my forehead. “I don’t know. It feels like it. It feels like the whole country has yet to make an opinion about me.”
“I don’t believe that’s the case here, Keller. I think they’re all just trying to help you and Lilly be well prepared for marriage.Yourfears and anxieties are making you believe otherwise.”
“That fucking gothi is not trying to help.” I sip my whiskey, then hand it to Lara. “Did you know he looked me up? He knew all about my parents and that they were memorialized at Norse Temple. Not only is he creating a divide between Lilly and me, but that’s also a huge invasion of my privacy. I don’t want people knowing that I lost my parents in a tragic fire, or that they had their funeral service at Norse Temple, or that I’m inferior for my new role.”
“You’re not inferior. That’s in your head. And that other stuff, do you not even want your future wife to know?”
“I was going to tell her,” I groan. “Jesus Christ. She didn’t even give me a chance.” I drag my hand over my mouth. “You know Lilly and how demanding she can be. If I said anything in front of the wedding planner, she’d want more information, and there was no way I was saying it in front of the gothi because he would make it his mission to dissect my feelings on the matter. I don’t want to do that. It’s already fucking with my head. I just want to be married to Lilly and move on.”
“If only it were that easy,” Lara says. “But you’re marrying a future queen, Keller. Nothing about this process, and I mean nothing, is going to be easy. I think you need to let that settle in. Until the day you say I do, you’re going to be tested, tried, and questioned. The sooner you accept that, the better. If you don’t, you’re just going to cause friction between you and Lilly. Is that what you want?”
“No,” I answer pathetically.
“Then give me that glass and go talk to your girl.”
I grumble under my breath and stand from my stool. Before moving toward the exit, I say, “Did she tell you she let me fall to the floor during the trust exercise?”
“Yes,” Lara says with a grin. “And I laughed my ass off.”
I shove her shoulder and walk away. “Dick.”
She laughs even harder, her voice echoing down the corridor toward the stairs.
* * *
I don’t bother knockingon her door as I know she won’t answer it. So I slowly open the heavy door and fit my body through as I look around her room.
Not on her couch.
