* * *
Lara:How is she?
Keller:Same. The only thing that’s keeping me sane is the fact that she hasn’t gotten worse.
Lara:Did the doctors say that could happen?
Keller:Yes. They are pleased she hasn’t declined.
Lara:That’s good. If you need to leave the room, let us know, I can sit with her.
Keller:I’m not leaving.
Lara:It’s been three weeks, Keller.
Keller:I’m not leaving, Lara.
Lara:Okay, well the option is there. We care about your health too.
Keller:I’m fine. Lilly needs me. I’m not leaving.
Lara:Okay, well, we will be by later. Let us know if you need us to bring you anything.
Keller:I will.
* * *
There’sa knock on the door, and I glance up to see Theo walk into the room with Katla by his side, both looking grim.
“How are you, son?” Theo walks toward me with his cane. I stand, and he pulls me into a large hug. I hug him back, hanging on a while longer, because fuck, I need the comfort. Every day, I plead for Lilly to move, to twitch, to do anything that indicates she’s coming back to us, and every day where nothing happens, my hopes slowly fade away.
“Okay,” I answer truthfully.
Theo lets go of me, and Katla takes me into a hug as well. “You’re looking thin, Keller. Have you been eating?”
“As much as I can,” I answer as I pull away. Hands on my hips, I say, “It’s been hard.”
“We understand,” Katla says. “We’ve struggled as well.” They glance toward the bed, and I can see they have something on their mind as they take a seat on the couch up against the window. I take a seat on the chair next to Lilly’s bed and carefully take her hand in mine.
“We spoke with the doctor,” Theo says. “He has some concerns.”
“Like what?” I ask.
Theo clears his throat. “He’s glad she hasn’t declined in health, but he’s also worried that she hasn’t made any progress in a month. He’s worried that . . . that the machines she’s on are keeping her alive, keeping our hopes up, but there—” His eyes well up, and he stares up at the ceiling. I glance at Katla who is dabbing her eyes with a handkerchief.
“Whatever you’re about to say, the answer is no,” I interrupt. “We are not giving up on her.”
“I don’t want to give up on her,” Theo says. “I will do everything we can to make sure she stays with us, but I think . . . I think we need to talk about what happens if she doesn’t.”
“No,” I say, shaking my head. “Respectfully, no. I understand your position as the king and the pressure you’re probably getting from outside sources to figure out what’s going to happen if she doesn’t come through this, but I’m going to tell you right now, I have no doubt in my mind that she’ll wake up. She’s a fighter, and she might be taking her time, but she’ll wake up.”
“Keller,” Katla says softly.
“Please,” I say, my voice strained. “Please believe me. Please . . . please hope with me. Please don’t leave me hanging out here, by myself, being the only one who thinks she will pull through. Please.” I look up at them, my sorrow hitting me harder than I expected.
I know what everyone is thinking.
She’s a lost cause.
