Because despite being mad at her, I still can’t help but love this woman. Seeing her in pain guts me.
She grabs the creamer I got just for her from the fridge, and she pours it in her coffee before stirring. When she’s done, she brings the mug up to her lips and looks over the rim at me. She’s so close, a few inches away. With her gaze matching mine, she quietly says, “For the record, I didn’t want to date him.”
Date him?
What is she talking about?
“Huh?” I ask, confused.
“Evan. I didn’t want to date him. I wasn’t ready.”
My brow pulls together. “Did he force you?”
She shakes her head. “No. He was nothing but a gentleman.”
And then with that, she turns on her heel and heads toward the patio, but I push off the counter and move in front of her, stopping her. “Wait, what do you mean you didn’t want to date him?”
Still speaking softly, she says, “I met him at a party in Marsdale. I talked to him the whole night, but it was just conversation. He asked me out, and I said no.”
I swallow hard as her truth falls past her lips, the truth I wish I’d have known so much sooner.I agonized over her being with someone else.
Continuing, she says, “I found out the next day that Theo wasn’t doing well. I rushed back to Torskethorpe, and when I saw him in his bed, I nearly lost it.”
“What?” I ask. “Is he . . . is he okay?”
“He was heartbroken,” she says. “From losing you, from me losing you, from what he considered his own failure. He was afraid I’d be left alone, that I wouldn’t have anyone by my side, and it was stressing him, causing his health to deteriorate. So that day, I chose his health over my well-being. I found out Evan’s number, and I asked him out to lunch.”
My breath picks up as the pieces start falling into place. She didn’t date him out of spite or because she actually liked him. She went out with him because of Theo. Fucking hell.
“It was harmless,” she continues. “We never kissed. We were never intimate, not even close.” What? My heart nearly rips out of my chest . . . he never . . . he never tasted her. Holy fuck. “It was more companionship than anything. We went out three times, then you took me.” Her eyes meet mine. “There was no way I was getting over you. I even told him that. He understood.”
My heart is beating so fucking rapidly that I almost can’t get out my words as I ask, “He never touched your lips?”
She shakes her head, her eyes so earnest that I can feel her answer to my very core.
“Why are you telling me this?”
“Because I didn’t want you to think that getting over you was easy. It wasn’t. It isn’t. I still struggle with it. Every day, I wake up and tell myself, this is the day I’m not going to think about you, that I’m not going to think about what we had, but it’s impossible because every breath I take, every heartbeat in my chest is propelled by the love I felt for you . . .” Her eyes shift up to mine. “The love I still feel for you. You said you will always own me, and you’re right.” She takes a step back. “I hate to admit it, but it’s true. You will forever and always own me, Keller.”
And then she turns on her heel and walks back into the bedroom, shutting the door behind her.
I drag my hand over my mouth.
Fuck.
* * *
Lilly liesout tanning naked in the middle of the beach, and as I set up my last camera, I can’t stop staring at the way her skin glistens in the heat.
I spent the entire morning chastising myself, running our morning conversation over and over again in my head until I drove myself crazy.
I should just fucking tell her.She hasn’t moved on.
She’s still very much in love with me.
So what now? Do I lay it out for her? Do I ask for forgiveness? Do I explain the whole story?
From the corner of my eye, I watch her lift from the towel and stand. She spots me staring at her and calls out, “Going to rinse off.”
