I push my hand through my hair.
Fuck.
Her!
This is exactly why I haven’t told her what happened, because she thinks the worst of me. Why the fuck would I even try to be with someone who doesn’t have a shred of doubt that maybe . . . just maybe I didn’t leave her on our wedding night?
Elias might have been right all along. Our relationship was built on sex . . . and sex alone. We didn’t resolve conflict unless you call shouting and angry sex resolution. It isn’t. It sates you momentarily, but that’s it.We were destined to fail, our fate inevitable.
* * *
At this point,I don’t know which is worse, sitting in that dank cell, all to myself, chained to the wall, or having to share a bed with an angry, naked Lilly.
The cell is looking pretty damn good at this point.
At least when I was there, I had hope that maybe she was still thinking of me, maybe looking for me, doing anything to preserve the relationship we had.
That’s not the Lilly I have to deal with now. She’s volatile, and the sooner I can figure out who was behind all of this, the better. At least once I figure it out, it will give us a second to breathe . . .
Then again, if I give her time to breathe, she’s going to lean into Evan, and the thought of her with him makes my skin fucking crawl.
I sit up in bed, unable to sleep, and I reach into my nightstand for my notebook and pen as well as my mini light that clips onto my notebook. Lilly shifts next to me, but I keep to myself as I flip it open and go to the back where my poems and sketches are hidden.
I stare down at the paper, at the poem I wrote today after my fight with Lilly.
I owe the stars my life.
Glistening.
Singing.
Lighting the way to your arms.
They gave hope.
They gave freedom.
They gave me you.
Yet the stars have faded,
Broken.
Shattered.
There is no you, only me.
I scroll the pen over the sketch of Lilly’s face, deepening the lines in her pupils, leaving a white spot where her eyes used to shine while looking up at me. Just like the day before our wedding, after waking up with her in my arms that morning. She looked up at me with so much love, like I was her entire goddamn world.
Now, they feel lifeless, like the soul has been sucked from them. Just like mine—
“Are you drawing me?” Lilly says, her voice startling me.
I snap my notebook shut and turn off the light.
“I thought you were sleeping,” I say gruffly as I set my notebook on my nightstand.
“Hard to sleep when there’s a light shining in the bed.”
