“Yeah, well, that was different. I let you cuddle into me because you asked nicely.”
I turn on my side and rest my hand on her bare hip. “What if I asked you nicely now?”
“You can go to hell,” she says, nearly making me smile. “You’re not going to wind me up like you did last night, then just leave me throbbing.” She pushes my hand off her side.
“Throbbing?” I ask.
“Yes, throbbing, and before you start puffing your chest, it’s been a long time for me.”
“It’s been the same amount of time for me,” I say, my resolve slipping for a second. I blame the lotion. I blame the coolness of the sheets. I blame the fact that she parades around here naked.
It has nothing to do with my inability to have any protective barrier around my heart where she’s concerned.
“Glad to know we’ve suffered celibacy together. Something we at least have in common.”
“We have more in common.”
“Oh yeah?” she asks on a laugh and turns toward me. “Like what?”
“What we enjoy in bed.”
She rolls her eyes. “Elias was so right. Our entire relationship was built on sex.”
“Nothing wrong with that.”
“Everything is wrong with that, Keller.”
“So are you telling me you have more in common with Evan than me?”
Her lips twist to the side as she studies me, and I can tell she’s choosing her words wisely. “He’s easy to talk to. Fun. Knows how to make me smile when I hadn’t thought smiling was an option anymore.”
Well if that doesn’t fucking piss me off.
“He didn’t growl at me,” she continues. “He didn’t reprimand me. And he didn’t feel embarrassed walking next to me.”
“I never felt embarrassed walking next to you,” I say through clenched teeth. “If anything, I didn’t think I was good enough because you are so goddamn beautiful and smart and made for the role that you’re in. Never once did I ever feel ashamed being next to you. It was a fucking honor.”
Her lips press together, and she looks past my shoulder, not able to look me in the eyes.
“And he was easy to talk to because it was most likely shallow conversation.” I tilt her chin so she looks in my eyes. “Our conversations weren’t easy because they were deep. Because there was purpose behind them, meaning. I don’t have the need to charm you with laughs and jokes. I wanted the person under all of that. I wanted the Lilly that suffered through losing her parents. I wanted the Lilly who was terrified to take on the crown. I wanted the Lilly who nearly drove us off a cliff in a car, showing me how proud of herself she was at learning a new skill. If it’s easy, it’s not worth your time. The hard in a relationship is what bonds you.”
Her nostrils flare. “Then why did you hide yourself before we got married? If it truly is the hard that bonds us, why were you running away?”
She got you fucking there.
“There’s a lot more behind it that you don’t know.”
“Clearly,” she says. “And it seems like I’ll never know. That’s why I went with easy, because I tried hard and that clearly didn’t work out for me.”
She turns away from me, and I clench my teeth, fury running through my veins. She’s trying to get under my skin and it’s fucking working. Evan is a good man, but I also hate him with everything inside me, because I could easily see Lilly and Evan together. I could see the mass appeal. I could see how they’d get along so well and charm the country. Would they share the same kind of love that Lilly and I shared?
Never.
But then again, it doesn’t seem like she’s looking for that.
She was looking for someone to fill the role, and she found him.
And that’s a goddamn knife to the heart.It shows just how easily replaceable I am.
