“Oh yeah, Granddad?” she says, causing me to smile. “Tell me, how was it back in the day?”
“You’re such a punk, you know that?”
“Makes this friendship more fun, don’t you think?”
“Makes me feel like a goddamn geriatric.”
She laughs out loud and turns toward me, legs crossed, sandwich in one hand, coffee in the other. “I’m sorry, please, regale me with your tales from ye old college years.”
“A punk,” I repeat, but she just bites into her sandwich. I take a sip of my coffee then say, “I had to share this space you have with another guy in college. And we didn’t have a bathroom. It was a communal bathroom.”
“Ooo, how many dicks did you see daily?”
“Really? That’s what you’re going to ask?”
“Naturally, would you expect anything else from me?” she asks.
I take a bite of my sandwich and then say, “Not really.”
“Okay then, so tell me about the penises.”
“Yeah, there were a lot of penises, but I was used to it because of playing hockey growing up. We were always showering naked in front of other guys.”
“Oh, that’s right. Well, what’s the biggest penis you’ve ever seen?”
“That’s easy,” I say with a wink. “That would be mine.”
She rolls her eyes dramatically. “I’m being serious.”
“So am I,” I say.
“Sure, okay, Silas, you have a huge dong. Now who is the second?”
“Why don’t you believe me?”
“Because every guy thinks they have the biggest penis.”
“That’s not true. I don’t think I have the biggest penis. I just think it’s the biggest I’ve seen in person. Online, well that’s a different story. Those men are horses.”
She snorts and covers her nose with the back of her wrist. “Oh my God, I was not expecting you to say that.”
“It’s true.”
“I know we’ve talked about this before, but how much porn do you watch?”
“Probably not as much as the average guy. I don’t like the fakeness of it. I prefer to just jack off to images in my head.”
“Images of who?” She pauses and then asks, “Sarah?”
“No,” I answer honestly. “I can’t. She fucked me over, and there is no way I’m going back to that, even if she’s gorgeous.”
Ollie nods. “So then, like who?”
“I don’t know, like women I see or celebrities I think are hot. Sometimes I’ll just find an image that turns me on.”
“Ever think about me?” she asks in a joking tone.
“Keep wearing those goddamn shirts, and I will.”
