“It really does,” he says. He stares down at his coffee and asks, “Did you ever love me?”
I reach across the table and place my hand on his. “Of course, Brian,” I say softly. “I loved you for so many reasons, I just don’t think you and I were in love at the end. I think we were just going through the motions.”
“We were, and I’m sorry about that.”
“Don’t be,” I say. “I think I’d have been madder if you’d put in the effort, even though it was all a lie.”
“My love for you wasn’t a lie, Lia.”
“I’m sorry, I said that wrong. I guess your intentions were a lie.”
He glances out the window and sighs. “You know, if things were different, if I didn’t have to live with this pressure, and I could be the man I truly am for you, the one you first met, I think we could have had a great life together.”
“We probably could have,” I say because Brian was fun at one point, but his competitive side—his workaholic nature—got the best of him.
He leans back in his chair and says, “Well, fuck.” His eyes connect with mine. “Are you happy, Lia? With Breaker . . . does he make you happy?”
I can’t hold back the smile that crosses my lips. “Yes, I’m thrilled. It still doesn’t feel real, but I’m happy.”
“I’m glad. He’s a good man, even though it might have seemed like we didn’t get along. You two always had a special connection that I was very jealous of, and I’m sure that didn’t help our case.”
“It was hard hanging out with both of you, but that doesn’t matter anymore.” When he looks away, I ask, “Brian?”
“Hmm?”
“Are you going to allow yourself to be happy? Or are you always going to look for what’s next in your career? What you can do to make your mother happy?”
“I’d like to say I’ll find happiness one day, but I’m not sure.” His eyes connect with mine. “My brain is wired differently. I have this internal need to please and to accomplish, and if I’m not doing one of those things every day, I feel itchy, out of control, like my life is falling apart. I’m not sure happiness can fall within those parameters.”
“I know this isn’t my place, but it might be helpful for you to talk to someone, a therapist, to help you work through those feelings. And maybe, to become stronger in yourself. I was so hurt when you didn’t stand up for me in front of your mother, and on behalf of your future Mrs. Brian, can I urge you to learn how to do that?”
He smiles and grimaces in that order. “You’re right. I know you are. I’m sorry I didn’t do that. I need to find the courage first.” His eyes connect with mine. “Maybe this conversation was the boost I needed.”
I smile. “Well, I hope so.”
We spend the next few minutes catching up quickly, but we never dive too deep. I don’t tell him much about Breaker because I don’t want to break his spirit. By the time we say bye, and I carry my wedding dress away from him, I feel the weight come off my shoulders like I did what I needed to do, and now I’m free.
I’m free to be with Breaker.
I’m free to love.
And I’m free to live the life I’ve always wanted with the man of my dreams.
I pull out my phone and text Myla.
Lia:Just got done with coffee. This was everything I needed. I’m ready to give my all to Breaker.
Myla:This is exactly what I wanted to hear.
ChapterTwenty-Three
BREAKER
“Are you breathing into a bag?” JP asks as I’m on the phone with him.
“YES!” I shout through the brown paper.
“Why?”
