“He said that?” Kelsey asks. “Man, I don’t know if I’m going to be able to look at Breaker the same way.”
“I don’t think any of us will,” Myla says.
“Quick question,” Lottie says, holding up her finger. “Did you suck him off?”
Starting to feel a touch more comfortable with these conversations, I nod. “I did and . . . I really liked it.”
“Thatta girl,” Lottie says while patting my leg.
“So what’s the problem?” Myla asks.
“The problem is, everything still feels weird. Like when we’re in the moment, nothing is weird about it. It’s so natural. And sure, he stuns me with what he says and what he wants me to do, but after . . . after is what’s killing me. And when I talked to him about it last night, he told me to stop overthinking everything.”
“He’s right,” Kelsey says. “You need to just live in the moment.”
“I agree,” Myla says as she puts jelly on a croissant. “It sounds like he’s trying to normalize it all, and if you’re resistant, it’s going to make it hard for him to do that.”
“The big question is, do you want something more with him?” Kelsey asks.
I lean back on the couch and give it some thought.
Life without Breaker is a life I don’t think I could handle, nor do I want it.
This new level of our friendship, it’s different, but I also seem to enjoy it. That’s a lie. I know I enjoy it.
Immensely.
“I think I do,” I answer. “But that terrifies me.”
“Understandable,” Lottie says. “But you know Breaker won’t do anything to hurt you, ever. He cherishes you.”
“He really does,” Kelsey adds. “Pretty much worships the ground you walk on.”
“And he’s intending to make something so much more of you two,” Lottie adds.
“I guess so. But . . . the weirdness,” I say.
“Then don’t make it weird,” Myla chimes in. “Take charge. Don’t let him lead the way. Surprise him and initiate something yourself. Maybe that will take the weird out of it.”
“Ooo, good idea,” Lottie says.
“Oh, that makes me sweaty,” I say. “I’ve initiated many times before, but Breaker is just so much more experienced than I am. I’d feel like an idiot if I tried to initiate.”
“All you have to do is walk up to him and grab his penis, and he’ll be good to go,” Myla says, causing us to laugh.
“Yeah, I might need more than that.”
“So you’re open to initiation?” Kelsey asks.
“I think so. I mean, it makes sense. If I want something, I need to move forward on it as well, and maybe it will be less awkward if I take the first step.”
“I think so.” Myla taps her chin. “Oh, I know. You can send him a dirty text.”
“Yes.” Lottie slaps the armrest of the sofa. “A dirty text. That’s perfect. You can hide behind the keyboard so you don’t have to face the initial awkwardness, but you can also control the conversation.”
“That is a great idea,” Kelsey chimes in. “What should it say? Something that will really grab his attention. Like . . . I like your penis.”
Lottie rolls her eyes. “Excuse my sister. She’s not that good at dirty talk.”
