“Just fine?” I ask, rising from the couch. “I was just fine before? Couldn’t think of a better adjective than that?”
He presses his hand to his forehead. “Pretty, I meant pretty.” He lets out a huff. “It’s been a long day. I’ve been worried about you, and getting this flight was hard, so excuse me if my words are not what they’re supposed to be right now.”
“I need your words to not be condescending, and I don’t think that’s too much to ask.”
“Where is this all coming from?” he asks. “I feel like you’re angry with me.”
What clued you in? Good God.
“I am angry with you,” I shout. “Jesus, Brian. This whole wedding and dealing with your mom and your reaction to my hair, it’s been a nightmare. And you . . . you never want to have sex with me. Why is that?”
He looks at me, confused. “Yes, I do,” he says.
“No, you don’t. We haven’t had sex in two weeks. Don’t you think that’s weird? Don’t you think we should be at each other’s bodies every chance we get, peeling off our clothes and finding pleasure in each other?”
“It’s been a rough couple of weeks, Lia.”
“We didn’t even have sex the night you proposed. I fell asleep while you were on a business call.”
“With clients from Japan. What choice do I have?” he asks, his voice growing angrier.
“You have a choice, and it’s called me, but you don’t choose me. Am I just some sort of . . . accessory to your life check-off list?”
“No, Lia,” he says as he stands and moves toward me. “I love you. You’re going to be my wife.”
“Then why don’t you want to have sex with me?”
“I do,” he says, his hands going to my shoulders. “It’s just . . . it’s been hard lately, okay?”
“Are you . . . are you cheating on me? Are you getting sex somewhere else, and that’s why you don’t want to do it with me?”
“Lia,” he says sternly. “Don’t even fucking say that. You know that’s not the kind of man I am.” And I believe him because he might work long nights and sometimes say the wrong thing, but I know for certain that Brian would never do that. His dad cheated on his mom many times, and he saw how that hurt her. He always said he would never do that to his wife.
“I know. I’m sorry,” I say, feeling shameful for bringing it up. “Do you think we’re in some sort of rut? I mean, you don’t even like it when I give you a blow job.”
“I’ve never liked them, Lia. It’s not just you. I feel bad when a girl has to just sit there and suck on my dick, okay?”
“But what if I wanted to?” I ask, trailing my fingers up his shirt.
He stops my touch and links our hands together. “I still feel like it’s demeaning. You deserve better than to have to pleasure me like that.”
“It’s not demeaning,” I say. “It’s a way to show your partner how you love them.”
He shakes his head. “It’s demeaning to me.”
“Okay, then what about like . . . spanking or toys? We’ve never tried that.”
“Because we don’t need that kind of fanfare. I don’t need a vibrator to get you off. I can do that myself.”Not every time, though . . .
“It’s not about you not being able to get me off. It’s about having fun, doing new things.”
“Let’s just stop talking about it, okay? That’s not a concern at the moment.”
“It is for me,” I say, my voice rising. “I don’t want to marry someone who doesn’t want to have sex with me, Brian.”
“Excuse me?” he asks. “You don’t want to marry me?”
“No, I do. I’m just saying we’re having some issues, and I think they need to be sorted before we get married. I think it’s important.”
