“Aren’t you charming?”
Just then, Brimar brings in salads, beautifully arranged on plates that he sets in front of us. A spring mix is artfully arranged on the white plate, with a scattering of walnuts and an intricately cut pear fanned over the top.
“This looks great,” I say. I go to reach for my fork, but I’m met with several options. “Uh, is this one of those things where you work your way in on the forks?”
“Fork closest to the plate is your salad fork. One in the middle is for dinner. The farthest fork is your fish fork.”
“Oh shiii—uh, shoot.” Keller stares me down. “I would’ve gotten that completely wrong. Good thing you’re here.” I pick up the fork closest to the plate and dive into my salad, only for Keller to slam his fist on the table again. I startle just enough for the water to fall on my lap. “What the hell was that for?” I ask, unable to control my swearing. The table slamming is uncalled for.
“You never eat until the king starts eating.”
“What?” I brush water out of my eyes. “But the king isn’t here.”
“During this practice, I’m the king. Does it look like I’m eating?”
I remove my drenched napkin from my lap and dab at my face. “You know, that’s information that could have been handed to me beforehand.”
“You need to learn patience, and you need to learn to wait for your command.” The way he says that almost feels as though he means it in a whole other way. And then it hits me like a ton of bricks. I know exactly what’s going on with him right now.
This overbearing control freak that’s sitting next to me, the same man who lay on the roof with me last night, isn’t pulling away or being an asshole on purpose. No, he’s trying to gain some semblance of control because he’s spiraling.
I can see it in his eyes. The worry. The uneasiness. The need to stay focused on an immediate task in fear of the mind wandering. It’s happened to me several times after a nightmare about my parents. This is his way of gaining control. He’s grasping, reaching for anything to help him forget his thoughts from last night. It’s why he’s been short with me. It’s why he’s trying to control the situation now. He’s in self-defense mode, and until his mind calms down, he’s not going to get out of it.
This means one thing—I need to help.
“Uh, Keller,” Lara says. “Maybe you’re being a little tough on her. This is her first formal meal.”
“No, Lara, that’s okay,” I say, holding up my hand and turning toward Keller. “If he wants me to wait for his command, I can be more than accommodating. I just wasn’t aware that was what we were doing.” I pick up my cup from the floor and place it on my head. “Fill me up,sir.” My eyes float to his, and I watch them turn dark as I sit tall, stretching my torso out, performing exactly the way he wants me to.
You want to forget, Keller? Well, sir, this is one way to do that.
* * *
“Thank you so much,”I say to Brimar as he takes my dessert plate, which had held a decadent chocolate mousse. It took everything in me not to moan while I ate it.
Overall, eating with a steady hand and a stiff body takes a lot of energy, but it’s doable. The hardest part of the meal was the soup. But the trick of it was, not to fill up the spoon and to ever so slightly lean at an angle, just in case you have a shaky hand.
After the initial two spills of water off my head, I held my composure the entire time, listening intently to Keller’s instructions, waiting for him to show me what to do. And the more I obeyed him, the more his breath picked up. His chest filled out with pride, and the dangerous look in his eyes turned positively perilous.
The air grew thick.
Lara and Brimar ended up holding their own conversation on their side of the table. What I was doing was working.
While devouring my mousse, I put on a show for Keller, making sure to deliberately wrap my lips around my spoon and slowly pull it out while maintaining eye contact with him the whole time.
“So, does that conclude our meal for the day?” I ask, still holding up the water on my head.
“Yes,” Keller says, his voice tight.
“Lovely.” I remove the cup and set it on the table. “Now, if you’ll excuse me, I’d like to go for another walk.”
I stand from my chair and head toward the stairway so I can change, and over my shoulder, I ask, “Keller, will you be joining me?”
I hear Lara chuckle before she rises from the table and heads into the kitchen to help Brimar.
“If that’s what you wish.”
“Oh, it is.”
