I was bored talking about it, but after the heated questions we asked each other, I had to douse us both in a tale of cod. It was the only way to ensure things didn’t escalate.
Seems like it worked.
“It was an important topic—”
“Every topic to you is an important one. I’m going to tell you right now, that the cod story’s importance is on the bottom of the totem pole, right next to ‘unnecessary.’ I’m truly shocked that I’m still awake after that. Best you told that story outside, where the sun doesn’t set. Kept me more awake.”
“Okay, I get it, it was boring.”
She sits up and stares down at me. “It was more than boring—it was downright painful, the type of story that should be used as a form of torture.”
“Well, be happy, that was the last lecture for tonight, and we can pack up now.” I lift up, only for her hand to connect with my chest and hold me in place.
“No way. We’re not ending the night on freaking cod and the image I have in my head of these demon fish swimming around in the ocean, eating other fish. I’m not going to bed with that floating around in my mind. No, thank you. You owe me.”
Normally, I would tell her she’s fine and to get her ass to bed, but in this instance, I think she might be right. The cod lecture was too much.
“What do you want?” I ask.
“Three more questions. But I’m the one asking this time. You know enough about me, but you’re still a blank page.”
I rest back on the blanket and prop my hands behind my head. “Fine, make them quick.”
“Ha, okay.” I catch the roll of her eyes. “First and foremost, I want it to be known that you have the right to veto my question, but I’d also like you to think about answering before vetoing.”
What the hell did I get myself into?
“Understood?” she asks, using my tone of voice while poking me. My brow lifts in question, which only makes her laugh. “Seriously, are you ready?”
“I’m not sure, but it doesn’t look like I have a choice.”
“Glad you see it that way, because you don’t.” She flips her hair over her shoulder. “Okay, first question—tell me one thing you miss about your parents.” She presses her hand to my arm. “And before you veto, I’ll share with you one thing I miss about mine.” Her eyes plead with me.
Fuck. How does she already have that kind of control over me where I can’t say no?
I heave a heavy sigh and say, “I miss their hugs. And not just the hugs they gave me, but the hugs they gave each other. I’d walk in on them at some point every day and find them embracing. They truly loved each other and leaned on each other for support. I miss that, walking into the kitchen to find my mom sitting on the counter and my dad leaning against the counter, my mom’s arms wrapped around him tightly. I miss how they brought me into their embrace and held me there until I wiggled my way out. Just everything about it, I miss it.”
Lilly is rubbing her thumb over my hand as I talk, and when I glance up at her, I catch the appreciation in her eyes. With a soft smile, she says, “That was going to be my answer.”
“Really?” I ask. “You’re not just saying that?”
She shakes her head. “No. You don’t realize how much you miss a simple embrace until it’s not there anymore. I truly miss the way my parents would squeeze my hand.”
“Three times, right?”
She smiles softly. “Three times. Something I feel like I didn’t know I was going to miss so much until it was gone. Now what I wouldn’t give to have my mom and dad both hold my hand one more time and squeeze anI love you. Sometimes, when I’m dreaming, I swear I can feel them there, squeezing, but when I wake up, it all vanishes. Feels so... cruel. I hate dreaming about them.”
“I do too,” I answer, allowing myself to open up for a moment. As much as I love my role in Torskethorpe, it often requires many long days. Few days off. And if I’m honest, when I lost my parents, I lost my people too. They’d always been my friends. It’s rare I open up to people, as there’s rarely any time to do so, and no one of consequence to talk with. I, therefore, keep my life full and rarely consider the loneliness associated with my job. But there have been times when it’s consumed me. “I’d rather not dream about them at all, because then I don’t wake up feeling like I have to live through the loss all over again.”
“Same,” she says. “At first, I clung to those dreams. I’d sleep more often than I should have, hoping for a connection with them, but then my dreams started becoming more and more vivid, and... well, I couldn’t take it anymore. Now I just hope to live with them through memories.”
“I understand the feeling completely.”
“I think you might be the only person who does... well, the only person I know.” She slips her fingers into my hand and I allow it because I know, in this moment, that’s what she needs. Hell, I need it too. I don’t talk about my parents, ever, so I’m venturing into new territories for her. “Is it weird to say talking about that with you makes me feel closer to you?”
“No. I feel the same way,” I answer.
“I’m glad.” She releases her hand from mine and I almost reach out to slip my hand in hers again, but we’ve already crossed the line a bit too much tonight. Holding her hand is not something I should be doing. “Okay, sorry for the depressing question. Let me ask you something that will liven up this Q and A. What’s the most embarrassing thing you’ve done in front of King Theo?”
