“Well, I had to do something since you weren’t answering my texts or calls.” I spot his phone on his night table and walk over to it. I press the screen and it lights up. “Oh, would you look at that? It works.”
He tugs on the back of his neck, and that’s when I notice bruising near his ribs. What happened to him? “I got your messages,” he says quietly.
“Okay, well, starting on an honest foot, that’s good to know. Anything else you care to tell me? I don’t know, like... why you weren’t there today?” I fold my arms over my chest, taking a defensive position.
“I was there,” he says.
“Oh, did you borrow Harry Potter’s invisibility cloak?” Sarcasm is my best friend right now, because the hurt I was feeling moments ago has turned into anger after finding him hanging casually in his room. He shouldn’t be here. He should be in my room, telling me what’s going on. But instead,I had to go after him. “How much did it cost? Must have been a pretty penny.”
“Lilly,” he says softly. “I was in the crowd, making sure everything was smooth.”
“Ah, I see. Funny, because I was told that you were supposed to be at my side, making sure I was comfortable and knew what the HELL I WAS DOING!” I yell the last part.
His brow creases, forming a ball of tension between his eyes. “You did know what you were doing. I heard from Henrik that everything went great.”
“You heard from Henrik.” I sarcastically laugh. “You shouldn’t have had to hear from anyone. You should have been there.”
“I wasn’t in a position to be there.”
“What are you talking about?” I ask. “Because of what Brimar said? Is that what’s holding you back?”
He lets out a large breath and rests his hands on his sides.
“Because I don’t believe any of what he said. Let’s skip over the fact that you didn’t tell me about the adoption, but the sheer idiocy that you’d want to be anywhere near the line of succession is comical. You don’t even want to be with me. That’s how desperate you are to stay away.”
“I want to be with you,” he says, his eyes pleading now. “Don’t fucking say that. I want to be with you, Lilly.”
“Well, you sure have a weird way of showing it. Maybe it’s different here, but in America, we don’t ignore the person we’re in love with. We answer their text messages and phone calls.” I take a step closer, my throat growing tight as the emotion of the day and the moment rock through me. “Do you have any idea how scared I was today? Any freaking clue, Keller?”
“Lilly, I can explain—”
“Terrified,” I shout at him. “Not only because I didn’t want to do that alone, but because I had no idea what was happening to you. The only reason I knew you were okay was that I was that desperate girl, asking anyone who would listen where you were and if you were okay. It was pathetic. I was freaking pathetic. You put me in a position where I couldn’t do anything else but look like the forlorn female in search of her knight in shining armor. How is that fair to me? All you had to do was text, and that was it. But you couldn’t do that.”
I try to bite back my tears, to hold on to them, but there’s no use. They tumble down my cheeks as a sob escapes my lips. Keller attempts to console me, but I step away.
“No, don’t touch me. I want to know what made you act like I didn’t matter today.”
“You do matter, you matter—”
“Don’t fucking say it.” I point at him. “If I mattered most, I wouldn’t be here, yelling at you, my heart breaking with every breath I take. We would be in my room, cuddled under the covers, reflecting on the day.”
He rubs his hand over his forehead and says, “It’s not that easy, Lilly.”
“Really? Seems easy to me. You read a text, and you respond. You have an assignment, you show up. I can’t fathom how that’s not easy.”
“It was the text,” he says, growing impatient with me. “It touched upon everything I’m insecure about, everything I don’t want people thinking about me. Coming here to Strombly, you know I had some adjustments. There’ve already been whispers about us, about my intentions. This isn’t normal, Lilly, for someone of my status to date someone like you.”
“Oh my GOD! Who cares! Jesus Christ, Keller. It’s not like we’re living in a time where women’s rights are suppressed and men rule with an iron fist. We’re living in this modern day, with a king and queen who approve. So, your whole excuse of class differences doesn’t check out.”
“But that’s how I grew up,” he shouts. “And I’m working on coming to terms with it, but it’s not that easy. I’m still trying to impress. I’m still trying to feel like I earned this job, that I’m doing it right. There’s much pressure on me.”
“So that means you just ignore me?”
“I didn’t handle today correctly, okay? I was fucking terrified that I left a stone unturned after having to take Brimar off security. I wanted to make sure you were safe, that everything would go okay today, and nothing would ruin the welcoming.”
“You ruined it,” I say with a snap in my voice. “You might’ve thought you were taking care of me, but you weren’t. I was worried and self-conscious the whole time, wondering why you weren’t there. You did nothing but hurt the day for me, for us.” Another sob escapes me. “This was supposed to be our day, Keller. A day we worked so hard to get to, and you weren’t there.” I wipe a tear off my cheek and then quietly say, “You abandoned me, left me alone, the one thing I begged you not to do. The one thing you promised you’d never do.” Tears are now coming in droves.
“Fuck, I’m sorry,” he says, trying to take me into his arms, but I duck away and move toward the door. “Lilly, please, just let me make this better. I fucked up and thought I was doing what was right for you, for us, but—”
