Despite feeling abandoned in a moment of need, once we returned to the palace for dinner, I knew I had made the right decision by coming here because I found a family. I found people who embrace me. I feel like I’ve found a purpose. A place where I can hopefully make a difference. Be more. But hell was the day exhausting.
“I am,” I say with a yawn. “But good exhaustion. Today was unlike anything I’ve ever experienced.”
“You were wonderful,” Katla says. “Truly, I don’t think I could be prouder.”
“Same,” Theo says. “You were so eloquent and regal. You made a few blunders here and there, but that was to be expected, and overall, you made a positive first impression.”
“I hope so.” I fold my hands on my lap, a question burning inside me that I can’t hold back anymore. “Do you know where Keller was today?”
Theo glances at his plate while he grips the table’s edge. “I’m not sure,” he says, his voice full of disappointment.
“Oh... wasn’t sure if he had a task or not?”
“He did,” Theo says, now looking me in the eyes. “His task was to be at your side, to help you navigate the day.”
A bout of ice spreads through my veins.
So he was supposed to be here.
He was supposed to stick by me.
With everything that happened last night, I convinced myself during the parade that he wasn’t there because he was cleaning up the mess Brimar left behind, but that wasn’t the case. He was just neglecting me.
“Oh, I see,” I say as I rest my napkin on the table, indicating I’m finished with my meal. “Well, I’m quite tired. Do you mind if I excuse myself and go to bed?”
Katla and Theo exchange looks, and then gently, Katla says, “Maybe you should talk about what’s on your mind.”
God, don’t you hate when people say that? Because I’m on an emotional ledge right now and one little comment about feelings could tip me over the edge, just like this has.
Tears begin to blind my eyes and choke my throat. A sickening feeling takes over.
He doesn’t want you.
He’s done his job of grooming me—fucking me—but doesn’t want to be by my side.My Kingisonly in the bedroom.
I was born a protector; it’s in my blood. When a woman puts her trust in my hands, I’ll never break that trust. I’ll hold it close to me and cherish it.
He lied.
His love, if I can believe it was love, was fleeting. A show. Something I could hang on to while I navigated through this new turn in my life. He fooled me about The Informative, so it makes sense he could fool me about loving me too.
Droplets of sorrow find their way down my cheeks, and I pick up my napkin to dab at them.
“I’m sorry,” I say. “I’m still learning how to control my emotions.”
“No need to apologize,” Katla says, coming to my side and pulling me into a hug. “It’s been a busy, overwhelming day, and you had expectations of who would be there.”
I nod. “I know it sounds stupid, but I wanted to make him proud, you know? We worked so hard to get me ready for this, and his absence hurts.”
Katla rubs my back gently. “I understand completely, Lilija.”
Theo clears his throat, and when I glance in his direction, I see the tension in his neck, the grip of his fist, and the anger in his eyes. And I want to tell Theo not to get mad at Keller, that it’s no big deal, but why would I? Why am I going to protect him?
What he did today was not okay.
And I’m not going to make excuses for him.
After another hug from Katla, I stand and take a deep breath. “I’m going to lie down. I hope that’s okay.”
