“Aren’t you a sweetheart,” I say as he ushers me to a table at the far back. We both take a seat. “What are you going to say to me? Offer some lecture? Guess what? I don’t need to hear it from my little brother, who clearly has no idea what it’s like to fall in love.”
“I’m not going to lecture you. I just want to ask you how you are.”
“Not good, man, isn’t that obvious?”
“It is. What can I do to help? Want me to talk to her? I can tell her everything that happened, back you up.”
I shake my head as I slouch in my chair. “No, she fucking believes it all.”
“Then what’s the problem?” he asks.
“The problem is, in my sheer panic last night, I fucked up. She was vulnerable, and I was too caught up in my own head, worried I was going to lose her. I didn’t give her the comfortsheneeded.”
“What are you talking about?”
I smooth my hands over my pant legs and say, “Kelsey has insecurities about being loveable. I keep telling her it’s because she hasn’t found the right guy, but I don’t think that translates in her head. She believes it has to do with her. Last night, she was looking for that reassurance, but like a fucking moron, I didn’t give her what she needed. I didn’t see it then, but now that I played it over in my head, I realize that I’m the biggest fucking idiot. I inadvertently played into those insecurities. And it makes me fucking sick.”
“Shit...” Breaker rests one of his arms on the table as he looks out at the dance floor with me. “What are you going to do?”
“She asked for time, so I’m going to give it to her.”
“Are you broken up?”
“Not sure. Feels like it, though, and I only have myself to blame.”
* * *
“Don’t text her,she wants some space. Texting her will only irritate her,” I say to myself as I pace the length of my kitchen island the day after the wedding. “Do not text her. DO NOT.”
I stare down at my phone on my marble countertop.
DON’T!
My hand itches to grab the phone, my heart making the decision.
And before I can stop myself, I grab my phone and presssendon the text I’ve already composed.
JP:Good morning, baby. I hope you got home all right last night. I know you want space and I’m going to give you what you want, but I need you to know that I’m still thinking about you, every goddamn second. I sent over a morning-after basket with a few things to help you recover from last night. I’m here for you.
I curl my lips over my teeth, staring at the text, reading it over and over again. When it’s marked as read with no response, I inwardly cringe, hating myself.
Should’ve listened to your goddamn brain.
* * *
JP:Still giving you space, but just wanted to tell you that I miss you. I miss your warm hugs, your soft lips, the way you make me feel when you’re around. I miss everything about you, baby.
JP:Also, I just found out Kazoo, the pigeon, was adopted and I didn’t know how to tell you. I feel like maybe I played a small part in him finding a good home. I hope they treat him well.
JP:I asked for his new home address and the shelter told me that information was private. Understandable, but I really just wanted to send him a few things, you know? I’m going to miss looking at his picture on the website.
JP:Anyway, just had to tell you that. Miss you, babe.
* * *
JP:I haven’t seen any new podcast episodes. I was hoping to listen to your voice this morning on my run, so I just replayed an old one. Have I ever told you what a great host you are? You’re really funny, you ask great questions, and I can truly feel how passionate you are about romance. It’s one of the reasons why I really like you—your love for love.
JP:I shouldn’t be texting you, I know, but I had to tell you that. Okay, bye, baby.
