You need to use words and tell her how you feel. So far, you’ve tried to show her what you feel. Now it’s time to speak, man. Give her your truths.
He’s not wrong. My tactics have proven to be shortsighted.
And before she can take another step, I ask, “Can I talk to you for a second?”
She pauses, looks over her shoulder, and asks, “Right now?”
“Yes,” I answer.
I must look distraught because she tells Derek to give her a second and then follows me down the hallway to my room, where I shut the door. I shed my suit jacket, toss it on a chair in the corner, and pace the room.
“Is everything okay?”
“No.” I shake my head. “Everything is not okay.” I pause and look up at her. “I’m going to say something that I know you certainly weren’t expecting but, fuck, I need you to know.”
“JP, what’s going on?”
“I like you, Kelsey,” I say, just letting it all fly out. “I fucking like you, and I... I want to ask you out on a date, a real date.”
Her mouth falls slightly open.
“And I know this isn’t the best timing and that this is selfish of me because you’re about to go out on a date, but please, please don’t go out with him. Stay here, with me, be with me, give me a chance.” She doesn’t say anything. And I wait as she stands there in shock. “I had plans for tonight. I was going to take you to Parkside and tell you how much I like you and want to be with you. I know that’s hard to believe, given your first impression of me, but I swear, Kelsey, I swear I’m fucking ready for something more.”
“JP... I... I don’t know what to say.”
“You don’t have to say anything, just don’t go out with him. I don’t think I could fucking take it. Your last date was when I drank myself stupid. That’s how long I’ve felt this for you. I don’t think I could survive tonight knowing he’s claiming you as his, holding your hand, making you laugh... kissing you. All I’ve wanted is to fucking kiss you, to taste your lips, to make you mine. I’ve wanted this ever since I met you, from the first moment I laid eyes on you, Kelsey. I knew you were special. I knew you were someone I had to get to know, that I wanted to be around. And, sure, I didn’t go about it the right way in the beginning, but I’ve been trying. I’ve tried to tell you so many times. So many fucking times.” I push my hand through my hair. “Please, Kelsey, please just stay here with me, talk this out, give me a chance.”
She looks behind her and then back at me. “JP, I have a date... I don’t... I’m not sure...”
Fuck.
Fuck, the pain is searing.
Burning me.
Marking me.
“I’m sorry,” I say. “Fuck, this was selfish of me. I’m sorry, Kelsey. I’m fucking sorry.” I take a seat on the edge of my bed and bury my hands in my hair.
“JP...”
“Just go. Forget I said anything. Please, I shouldn’t have. This puts you in a bad spot. I’m sorry... just go on your date.”
She’s silent.
I can feel her eyes on me.
Her indecision weighs heavily on my shoulders and when, for a moment, I think that she might stay, I hear her first step echo through my room, then another... then another. Trailing away from me, one step at a time, until my door is shut behind her.
Fu-uck.
I suck in a sharp breath through heavy, webbed lungs. It feels impossible to gain much-needed oxygen.
Our last night in San Francisco, and instead of spending it with me, she’s spending it with another man.
I’ve loved learning how she takes her coffee, the special breakfast she has to have in the morning.
I doubt he knows about her day-of-the-week underwear or how she curls her hair when she’s in a fun mood, straightens it when she means business.
