“Yes, I need to get out of this date. How can you assist me in that?” Kelsey asks.
“I’m sure you two will have a beautiful evening together. Enjoy.”
And then she leaves, taking off downstairs and leaving me completely alone in what some might refer to as a dreamy loft with Kelsey.
A fuming, nostrils-flared Kelsey.
A Kelsey who would most likely prefer to share this space with anyone—and I meananyone—but me.
She raises her hand and points at me, her finger shaking as she speaks through clenched teeth. “You did this. You planned this whole thing, didn’t you?”
“What? You’ve lost your mind if you think I have time in my day to figure out what kind of cheesy dating app you’re on, infiltrate the app, and then somehow compromise the system so you and I are forced to have a date together.”
“I knew it.” She throws her hands in the air. “God, and you play the fool so well, when in reality, you’re a conniving birdbrain with nothing better to do than provoke people in your path.”
I take a seat at the table, pick up the napkin in front of me, and rest it across my lap. “Firstly, I said I didn’t have time to do all that. Secondly,conniving birdbrainis an insult I’m going to have to store away for later. It’s a good one.”
“Eww, don’t try to be charming with me.” She takes a seat as well, albeit reluctantly, and folds her napkin over her lap too. She drums her fingers on the table and takes in the lights around us. “What a wasted room.”
See, I knew she’d think that. Do I know this girl or what?
I lean forward and say, “You know, you could try to make the most of this and attempt to be pleasant.”
Her eyes shoot to mine. “Why, JP? I thought men and women who work with each other can’t be friends.”
Touché.
“Not saying we have to be friends, but you could at least not act like an uninspiring wench.”
“Do you expect me to have a conversation with you?”
“That’s what normal people usually do when they share a meal together. Unless there’s a new trend I’m unaware of.”
Just then, Helix comes up the stairs with glasses of water balanced precariously on his tray. After he sets them on the table, he stuffs his tray under his arm and says, “Good evening. Our hostess has informed me that we have a happy love nest up here.”
The deadpan look on Kelsey’s face almost makes me fall out of my chair in laughter, but I hold it together in fear of what would happen to me if I did laugh. After all, there are two knives on this table.
“We’re in a bit of a rush, so if you don’t mind, we’d like to order, eat, and then get the hell out of here.”
“Jesus,” I whisper. “Don’t be rude to the guy.”
Kelsey lets out a slow breath and then plasters on a smile. “I’m sorry. Helix, is it?”
Helix nods.
“You see, when I signed up for this app, I was under the impression that I’d be set up with someone I might actually be interested in. I had all the hope of meeting someone interesting, someone complex, someone fun. I was truly planning on making a deep connection tonight.” Her eyes snap to mine. “And when I say deep connection, I mean mentally... not physically.”
I just grin.
“But you see, Helix, instead of meeting someone who could have the potential to sweep me off my feet, I was matched with this insolent, vexatious human who thinks more highly of the hangnail on his finger than the people around him. Unfortunately, I work with him and I know enough about him to understand that there’s nothing—and I mean absolutely nothing—we have in common. Therefore—”
“That’s not what the readout on your profiles says.” Helix clutches the tray tightly.
Kelsey blinks. “Excuse me?”
“I heard there might be some trouble up here in paradise, and sometimes, when that happens, we print out the reason the computer connected you both. Would you like me to read it to you?”
“No,” Kelsey says.
