Penny:Sort of, but I guess I enjoy the honesty. So . . . have fun whacking off.
Eli:I never should have told you.
Penny:You probably shouldn’t have. This will live in my mind forever.
Eli:Fantastic.
* * *
Penny:How was your night? Romantic?
Eli:I really shouldn’t have told you.
Penny:It’s all I could think about last night and not in a creepy I’m picturing you and your orgasm face kind of way, but more fascinated in the process.
Eli:I don’t have an orgasm face.
Penny:Ha . . . okay.
Eli:I’m not even going to ask.
Penny:It’s best you don’t.
Eli:And what do you mean by the process?
Penny:Well, you know. Did you light a candle? Use lotion? Set up the tissues? Play some romantic music? Strike up a conversation with your hand before you brought it down south . . .
Eli:Are you always like this? Is this the real Penny and you’ve been hiding her all along?
Penny:I’m afraid to answer that.
Eli:If the answer is yes, I don’t mind her. I just need to mentally prepare myself for what to expect moving forward.
Penny:Then yes, this is me in all of my glory. Awkward, weird, asks uncomfortable questions, and doesn’t tend to have a filter when rambling.
Eli:I accept this. And if you have to know, it was in the shower. Easier that way.
Penny:Fascinating. Okay, I can go on with my day now.
Eli:Glad I could assist.
* * *
Eli:Have you ever gotten stitches?
Penny:Are we just asking questions now without any lead-in? Nothing like how’s your day going? Just straight to the point?
Eli:Penny, how is your day going? Have you ever gotten stitches?
Penny:It’s okay. I dry-heaved into my waste basket while in the middle of a meeting with an intern and told him I had bad shrimp the night before. He turned a hideous shade of gray, and I’m pretty sure he’ll pray to the Lord up above to never have to work with me again. Other than that, great. Feeling good. And yes, I’ve gotten stitches before.
Eli:I thought the morning sickness was easing.
Penny:It is. I think it was because this kid’s cologne was next level. Nearly gagged me. But I wasn’t about to tell him that.
Eli:Okay. But you’re doing okay?
Penny:Yessssssss, Eli. I’m fine.
