Pacey:What the fuck did he say?
I’m sitting in my car, outside of Penny’s apartment, not excited to go inside out of fear of what she’s going to say to me. After the loss, we received a blistering speech from our coach, who threw a few hockey sticks at a table in the middle of the locker room, knocking over some food. He apologized to the staff, helped them clean it up, and then we quietly all went our own ways. We were never able to recover after losing Pacey and me for ten minutes, and the loss did not come at the best time since we are racing to the finish line to make it to the playoffs.
I’m to blame for the loss.
I still have no idea what came over me. Like Penny said, we’re not dating, I have no claim over her, yet today I acted like a jealous boyfriend, a title I’ve never worn in my entire life.
Staring down at my phone, I text Pacey back.
Eli:You don’t want to know.
The only bright side of this entire night is that Pacey actually looked at me after the fight. In the locker room, he gave me an appreciative nod. And right now, he’s texting me. It might not be what I want to discuss, but it’s an open door that I’ll take.
Pacey:If I didn’t want to know, I wouldn’t have asked.
Fair enough.
Eli:He was goading me about Penny, and then right before I clocked him, he talked about her tits.
Pacey:I’m going to fucking murder him.
Eli:Easy, killer. Wait until after the season. I shouldn’t have reacted tonight. He cost us the win.
Pacey: No one talks about Penny like that and gets away with it. You did the right thing. Thank you.
And just like that, as I stare down at the text from Pacey, the weight that I’ve been carrying around for the past few weeks over my broken relationship with one of my best friends slides off my shoulders. In the heat of the moment, I wasn’t thinking about the consequences of sleeping with his sister, and even after, I didn’t think much of it because neither of us was going to say anything. But it’s been painful not having him to talk to since he found out. Not hanging out with him. Basically living in a Pacey-induced exile. I can only hope that things will change now. Or at least start to change.
Eli:You may not believe it, but I do care about her, dude.
Pacey:In what way?
Eli:Just as a friend.
I text him quickly back so I can clarify my intention. I feel like I might be on the verge of patching things up with him. The last thing I need is to spoil that.
Pacey:Good. She needs someone reliable in her life, not a hockey player who is in and out every week.
Someone reliable? Did I not just get penalized for ten minutes today because I stood up for his sister? Have I not been living with her for a few weeks, making sure she’s okay? And I haven’t said a goddamn thing about it because it’s my responsibility. That seems pretty reliable to me.
Eli:I’m taking care of her.
Pacey:And I appreciate that. But you and I both know you’re not the settling down type and that she needs someone who will treat her like she’s the center of their world.
I mull that over, as it doesn’t sit well with me. He’s not wrong. Penny does deserve someone who will make her the center of his world. And sure, we’ve said time and time again, we’re friends, that’s all we’ll ever be, and we both don’t want to get involved romantically. But given all of that, I don’t like someone telling me I’m not good enough. That is shitty. That doesn’t feel good.
And maybe, I’m not. Maybe in the grand scheme of things, he’s right. I very well might not be good enough for her. I might be good for her now, given the situation, but . . . would I be good for her later?
My phone buzzes in my hand again.
Pacey:You two aren’t meant for each other. Learn how to co-parent now because that’s all it will ever be.
Okay, yes, that’s all I want. We both want that. We don’t want to start anything serious. But in the back of my mind, I can’t help but be consumed by the insult that rattles through my prideful chest.
Eli:Don’t worry, there’s nothing romantic going on. She’s the mother of my child. That’s it.
His response is nearly immediate.
Pacey:And that’s what it should always be. Respect me and my wishes that much.
