Penny:Am I sending this text message to Blakely? Just triple-checking before I state what I need to state.
Blakely:Confirmed, you are texting Blakely, your best friend. You may proceed with all embarrassing things.
Penny:What is the secret password to receive all embarrassing text messages?
Blakely:Penis breath
Penny:And the pin number?
Blakely:3003 < - - boob
Penny:And your mother’s maiden name?
Blakely:Honker Hoo Hoo < - - made up for our benefit
Penny:Lastly, the last four digits of your social security number.
Blakely:4398
Penny:Processing . . . processing . . .
Blakely:*crosses fingers*
Penny:We have confirmed that you are, in fact, Blakely. Please wait for incoming embarrassment.
Blakely:*pins and needles*
Penny:I threw up in Eli’s shoe.
Blakely:WHAT? How?
Penny:He was in the bathroom, taking a shower, and I was in the closet trying to pick out an outfit for the day that didn’t touch me in a weird way. Recently, I’ve been feeling every thread in my clothes, and it’s really starting to drive me nuts.
Blakely:It’s an odd pregnancy side effect. I’ll agree to that. But please, back to the shoe.
Penny:I was attempting to pick out an outfit when a bout of nausea hit me. Since I haven’t thrown up since I started having morning sickness, I didn’t think much of it, but then I started to sweat.
Blakely:The sweats, nothing speaks more like a warning flag than the sweats.
Penny:And I wasn’t about to barge through the bathroom door, because he was naked and in the shower. I felt something coming up soon, so I found the closest vessel I could find, and it happened to be Eli’s shoe.
Blakely:Please describe the shoe.
Penny:Black loafer that he wears often with his suits, bedazzled in my regurgitated food.
Blakely:I know precisely what pair you’re talking about.
Penny:I threw up in it, and then I realized I threw up in a shoe and then threw up again. Strangely, my accuracy was impeccable.
Blakely:What did you do with the shoe?
Penny:That’s the worst part. Eli was looking for those particular shoes to wear to the arena today. He said they’re his lucky shoes against the Freeze.
Blakely:Did you give him the puke-soaked shoe?
Penny:No! Are you insane? I couldn’t tell him I just puked in his shoe.
Blakely:Then what did you do?
