I walk out of the bathroom to find Penny sitting on the bed in a pair of long johns and a thermal-wear long-sleeve top.
“Ready for your trip up to Alaska?” I ask her with a teasing grin.
“We aren’t that far from it.” She stands and moves past me. “I foresee myself shedding these clothes in the middle of the night. Please don’t freak out if my shirt whacks you in the face, it’s just the hormones.”
“Take off all the clothes you want.”
Once again, she rolls her eyes at me and then retreats to the bathroom. That’s when I go to my side of the bed and reach under it, pulling out myBreathe Rightstrips. There won’t be any snoring tonight. I fix one over my nose, and just as I’m getting it in place, Penny steps out of the bathroom and sinks herself into the bed, under the sheets.
With my strip in place, I turn over just as she turns toward me, and the moment her eyes land on theBreathe Rightstrip, she tilts her head back and lets out such a loud laugh that I feel myself wince.
“You know, it’s not kind to laugh at somebody who is trying to make a change,” I say, dabbing at my strip, keeping it in place.
“Oh my God, is that for the snoring?”
I nod. “Yeah, and if this doesn’t help, I found a doctor who can help me.”
Another guffaw.
A clutch of the blankets and then . . .
Tears of joy stream down her cheeks.
She’s laughing so hard that she’s actually crying. Talk about a fucking blow to the ego.
“Wow, you sure know how to make a guy want to off himself.”
She laughs even harder and holds her stomach now. “Oh my God, that’s the best thing I’ve ever seen.”
“It’s a fuckingBreathe Rightstrip. It’s not like I’m wearing a Darth Vader mask to help me breathe better at night.”
She waves her hand in front of her as she attempts to catch her breath. “It’s not that.”
“Then what is it? They don’t make these in a nude color. They really should because white is just so obvious.”
“No.” She swipes at her eyes, collecting her tears. “It’s that you actually went out and got them.”
“Uh, yeah, because I don’t want to keep you up at night. It’s bad enough you wake up with nausea.”
She laughs some more, and between her giggles, she says, “I was . . . kidding, Eli. You don’t snore.”
“What?” I say, lifting to a sitting position on the bed. “You were fucking kidding?”
“Yes.” She laugh-cries some more, her handle on the humor slipping further and further as she attempts to gather herself, but it’s not working.
I snag my phone from the nightstand and shoot a quick text to Taters.
Eli:You fucker! I bought Breathe Right strips.
I rip the strip off my nose and toss it to the ground as my eyes water from the pull of the adhesive just as my phone dings with a response. While Penny continues to laugh, I read the message.
Taters:HAHAHAHAHA. Oh fuck, that made my night.
Eli:Go fuck yourself.
I plug my phone back in and turn toward Penny, who’s finally starting to settle down. “You are an asshole.”
She chuckles and then lifts from the bed and pulls her shirt over her head and drops it to the side, leaving her in only a tank top. It’s a loose tank top, so it doesn’t cling to her top half. Rather, it gently molds around her hard nipples.
