Holmes:Did you veto the name?
Hornsby:Jesus Christ, of course I did. Peggy Leggy Hornsby is not happening.
Taters:At least he didn’t lose his common sense, boys.
Hornsby:Can we get back to the advice? Christ.
Holmes:Let’s remember this is Pacey’s sister here and our colleague. Respect. Men. Did you tell her she doesn’t need to steam your suits?
Hornsby:Of course I did. But she said something about a process. I don’t know. After she told me to go out and find someone, I decided to call the conversation quits.
Taters:Hear you, Holmes. Let’s pretend for a moment that we don’t know her? Did she say you could go out and find someone in a nasty tone?
Posey:Oooo, good question. Tone is very important. And yes, I can pretend.
Hornsby:Thanks, Holmes. I don’t want to disrespect her, either. As for the tone, she didn’t. She said it in more of a nervous tone. Like she was unsure.
Posey:I’m secondary sweating for you right now. Sounds wretched.
Taters:Yeah, that’s uncomfortable.
Hornsby:I KNOW! What should I do?
Holmes:I’d just go read a book, let her work through it herself.
Taters:You also don’t have a life.
Posey:I don’t think crawling into his own shell is the way to go on this, Holmes. Sorry. He has to live with her. Clearly, there’s awkward tension between you two. Try to break it.
Taters:It pains me to say Posey is right, but he is.
Hornsby:How do you suppose I break it?
Posey:This is Penny Lawes, Hornsby. Not some chick you just met. She lives and breathes hockey, is a master of all things social media, and around anyone else on any other day, she is sweet, funny, and NOT awkward.
Hornsby:So the problem is me?
Taters:Yep, dipshit. But if you’re still lost, it’s called Google. Stock up on questions and ask some. And when she talks, actually listen rather than thinking where you can stick your dick in her.
Holmes:She really is sweet, and listening is key.
Posey:And the not sticking your dick in her is second to the listening.
I’m about to text back when the bedroom door creaks open, and Penny comes in with three suits in hand. When she spots me on the edge of the bed, my shirt undone, she gasps out loud and spins toward the wall where she pins her head against the white surface.
“Oh my God, I forgot to knock. I’m so sorry. You must be horrified.”
I’m really not.
“Penny, you’ve sat on my dick, and I’ve watched you bounce up and down on my lap. Pretty sure walking in on me with my shirt undone is nothing compared to that.”
“Th-That was different,” she says, still shielding herself. “You meant for me to see you naked.”
I exhale loudly. “Can you please just turn toward me?”
Hesitantly, she turns around. That’s when I stand from the bed, walk up to her, and take the suits from her grasp. “We need to learn to live with each other, and acting skittish is not the way to do it. You’re going to see me without a shirt. I like to sleep with it off. Last night, I wore one because I didn’t want to scare you, but it was uncomfortable. I’m sure you’re going to want to walk around in a towel, or well, I don’t know what women do, but I think if we’re going to make this work, we try to act as normal as possible.”
She swallows hard. “I don’t know how to be normal around you without alcohol, and I can’t have alcohol because of Peggy Leggy—”
