I swallow and nod. “Yeah, those three little words. I just . . . hell, Penny, I can’t remember the last time I said it. I can’t recall ever feeling that way. It’s been so long. I’ve been so lost. I’m afraid to let myself explore those feelings out of fear of losing you. Because I know I can, easily. You could have your choice of any man, and you choose me. That doesn’t go unnoticed. And even when I struggle to find my feelings and tap into a side of me that I’m certain I shut down when I was twelve, you still choose to be with me. You choose to be with me when you’re frustrated, when you want nothing more than to plant multiple succulents in my shoes, or mess up my freaking underwear drawer every day. You keep choosing me.”
“Because you keep choosing me, Eli. Don’t you see that? This isn’t all one-sided. I love you because of the man you are, because of the way you make me feel, because of the way I feel at peace in your arms. I know”—she tears up and pats my chest—“when I’m here, right here, right next to you, that nothing will ever harm me. And...that I’m home.”
A tear streaks down her cheek, and I pass over it with my thumb, rubbing the wetness into her skin. “Is that what love is, Penny? Feeling safe, protected?”
“Part of it,” she says. “Love is a multitude of things.”
“Can you . . . can you help explain it to me?” I ask, my insecurities once again rising to the surface as I realize what a stupid question it is. “Never mind—”
She gently rubs her thumb over my heart. “Love is intimacy, Eli. Love is feeling protected, trusted, secure with yourself. Love is feeling like you’re home. Like there is nowhere else you want to be than in your person’s arms. Love is feeling this unbridled connection with another human, a connection so strong that when they’re not around, you feel . . . empty, incomplete. And love grows with intensity as your relationship grows. It starts small, like this tiny kernel needling at your back, bringing awareness to your brain that something is taking over and that an emotion is growing inside you. And as time passes, that kernel blooms into something bigger, something that eclipses your heart and takes up room in your chest, so when you see your person, all you can do is let out a deep breath of relief because they’re there. With you. For you. And if that person is the right person, if they’re truly the match to your soul, then they will make sure that nothing bad ever happens to you. That no matter what life throws at you—death, joy, heartache—they will be there, by your side, holding your hand, and reminding you that despite what you might be going through, there is always a home in their arms.” She brings my hand to her lips and kisses my palm. “Love is what I feel for you. It’s what I felt for a while, and I know it’s what I’ll feel forever.”
I don’t realize I’m crying until Penny lifts up and smooths her thumbs over my cheeks. My mind twists with her words, the dots connecting, the clouds parting, and light shining down on that exact feeling she’s talking about.
The breathlessness when she’s not around.
The feeling of peace when she’s near me.
The need I have to hold her hand, to walk through this life with no one else but her.
The knowledge that no matter what happens in my day, I can count on her beautiful face, her charming wit, her empathetic heart to carry me through all life’s challenges.
The kernel needled me from the first day I met her.
And if I’m honest, it’s grown over time.
On my birthday, I was struck so goddamn hard by that kernel blossoming into so much more.
And now, all I can think about is her. All I want is her. And I can’t even fathom a day moving forward when she isn’t mine. When I can’t call her, kiss her . . . love on her.
Holy . . . shit.
“Penny?” I ask, my voice choked up.
“Yes, Eli?”
“I think . . .” I swallow hard, pushing down the lump forming in my throat. “You mean everything to me. Your smile.” I kiss her lips. “Your heart.” I kiss her chest. “Your mind.” I kiss her forehead. “I couldn’t go a day without knowing that they belong to me. I’m so sorry it took me so long to figure it out.” Her eyes well, and I quickly kiss them and push her gently on her back. “Baby, I love you . . . Jesus Christ, I can’t believe it took me so long to say it, to acknowledge it. But fuck, Penny, I love you.”
“Don’t apologize,” she says. “I just hope that I didn’t push you.”
I shake my head. “You didn’t, Penny. You opened my eyes, you let me figure it out, and you never fucking left me. You never gave up. Even when I could see the pain in your eyes, you never gave up on me.”
“I couldn’t,” she says. “Because I love you and that strong bond that I have for you in my heart, it’s unbreakable, Eli.”
Smiling, I let a tear fall down my cheek right before I press my lips to hers. “You make me so goddamn happy. I didn’t know what I was missing in my life until you, Penny. You’ve parted the clouds that were hanging over me, and you let the sunshine in.” I kiss her again. “Thank you.”
“No need to thank me, Eli. Just loving me is enough.”
With that, I smooth my hand over her stomach and between her legs. She spreads for me as she sinks into the mattress. My mouth finds hers as I press my thumb along her slit.
“I love you,” I say again, the words falling off my tongue with ease now. “Just you and me, Penny. Just you and me.”
She reaches for my hardening cock and starts stroking me. “You and me.”
I move over the top of her and spread her legs, trying not to put any pressure on her growing stomach, but the position doesn’t quite work, so I slide us both down to the edge of the bed where I stand in front of her. Getting the perfect angle without pressing on her stomach, I bring my cock to her entrance, and I tease her with my head, running it along her clit for a few strokes.
“Make love to me, Eli. Please . . . make love to me.”
“That was the plan, baby.”
