This isn’t just us tearing each other’s clothes off. This is more than that. This is us becoming one, and as he slowly laps water against me, I know this is a moment I’ll remember.
“Are you awake?”
“Yes,” I say as I place my hands on his.
“Your stomach is really starting to grow. I hope this doesn’t sound weird, but it’s exciting.”
“That’s not weird at all.”
“Have you felt the baby kick?”
“I have,” I answer. “It feels like a flutter, but I’ve felt him in there. And like Dr. Big Pecs said, he’s measuring quite big already, bigger than the average baby, so I think he’s going to have your height. Which, of course, makes me think about my apartment situation. I really need to find a bigger place, especially since Blakely and Winnie are already talking about having a baby shower for us. I won’t have any space for everything.”
His fingers trace up and down my arm as he quietly says, “I have space.”
“Which is so great, you won’t have to worry about having any issues with fitting things in your place. My landlord got back to me, and there are no current two-bedrooms up for rent. There’s a three-bedroom, but that’s way out of my price range. So I’ll have to find a new building, which is sad.”
“Penny, I have room,” he says again.
I give his hand a squeeze. “Yes, you said that.”
“You don’t understand what I’m saying.” He draws my chin so I’m forced to look at him. “I have room, for the baby . . . and you.”
Wait . . .
“And me . . . as in . . .” I swallow. “Like I move in?”
“Yeah,” he says, his eyes completely sincere.
“But . . . you don’t want that, me barging in on your personal space.”
“What have I done for the past few months?” he asks. “Barged in on yours.”
“It’s different.”
“How?” he asks.
“Because you’re, you know . . . this professional hockey player who I’m sure has better things to do with his life than move his baby mama into his apartment.”
“What are you saying?” he asks, confusion knitting his brow.
“I’m not trying to say anything, I’m just, I don’t know . . . I didn’t bring it up to pressure you or anything.”
“You didn’t ask me. I brought it up. It was my idea.”
“Still.” I shake my head. “I don’t want to do that to you.”
I turn back around, but he’s no longer holding me tightly. Instead, he’s stiff and unmoving and not in a good way. “What exactly do you think you’re doing to me?” he asks. “Because from where I see it, I’m trying to figure out what happens when the baby comes, and I just figured you could move in with me. But it seems as though you don’t want that.”
“It’s not that I don’t want that, it’s just . . . I don’t know, Eli. What if you get sick of us? I don’t want to move out and deal with all of that. I’d rather just have my own place.”
He nods slowly and leans back against the tub, tilting his head back, looking up at the ceiling. “Do you think that’s going to happen? That I’m going to get sick of you?”
“I honestly don’t know. And I don’t want to hold this against you because that’s not what I’m trying to do at all, but you said it yourself. This is the first time you’ve actually let someone into your life. This is all new to you. I don’t want to overwhelm you by moving in, taking over your private space, and then bringing a baby into that. It’s not fair to you.”
“Do you know what’s not fair?” he asks. “You making that decision for me.”
Sensing his frustration building, I turn in the tub and straddle his lap as best as I can. His eyes avoid mine until I force him to look at me. “I’m trying to help you understand where I’m coming from.”
