“Don’t bother them. Taters made it seem like they were working things out. Let them.”
“But why were they—” She pauses and then says, “Oh, because of us, huh?”
“Seems like Winnie wasn’t happy about Pacey meddling.”
“She never said anything to me.”
“Probably because she didn’t want to stress you out any more than you were. But that would explain his sudden change of heart.”
“Change of heart?” she asks. “What are you talking about?”
“You know, it’s not something we need to worry about. Let’s talk about the appointment tomorrow.”
“Wait, no, don’t pass this off. What kind of change of heart did Pacey have?”
Christ, me and my big fucking mouth.
“Penny, I don’t want to talk about it, we’re in a good place, and I don’t want you to get angry.”
“Is it something that will make me angry?”
“Honestly, I have no idea.”
She folds her arms over her chest while straddling my lap and says, “Well, tell me, and we’ll see.”
I drag my hand over my face and let out a heavy breath before saying, “The night you gave me gummy bears, Pacey saw us, and I was afraid he thought something was going on between us, so when I got on the bus, I told him that nothing was happening. I was holding up my promise to him. But then he asked if I liked you and if you liked me, and . . . well, I told him the truth. I do like you, Penny. I always have. That’s when he said that I shouldn’t let him get in the middle of it.”
“So he gave you permission.”
“Yeah, I guess.”
“And then, instead of calling me up, you went silent on me.”
See, this is exactly why I didn’t want to say anything. It looks really bad on my end. Well, that’s because it is bad.
“Penny.” I rub her thighs slowly. “I, uh . . . I’ve just been trying to handle all this shit in my head, and sure, I didn’t handle it well, I see that, but the only reason I pushed you away was because I wasn’t sure how to handle the feelings I had for you. It’s stupid, but it’s the truth.”
When my eyes meet hers, understanding flashes through them. “Is this the first time you’ve had feelings for a girl?” she asks.
“Yes,” I answer. “Sure, when I was growing up, I had some crushes, but that’s all they were, they were nothing like what I feel for you, and it’s frankly been terrifying.”
“Why?”
“Because,” I answer, “I’ve lost pretty much every important person growing up, and I don’t want to lose anyone else.”
“You have your boys.”
“That’s out of necessity, but even at that, I still panic from time to time when they get hurt.”
She smiles at me and curls into me, resting her head on my shoulder. “Well, sorry, but you have me now and this baby, and we’re always going to be a part of your life, so you better get used to it.”
“I’m starting to find great comfort in the idea,” I say while I drag my hand over her back. “And about tomorrow, are we going to find out the sex of the baby?”
“What do you think? Do you want to know?”
“I do, but if you don’t, I can wait. Practicing patience has been my MO lately.”
She chuckles. “I want to find out. I’d rather mentally prepare myself for what’s to come.”
