“Can’t, off to Omaha.”
“But you would if you weren’t headed to Omaha, right?” There is teasing hope in his voice.
“Not so much.”
“Ouch, that hurts, turd blossom.”
I roll my eyes. “You’re not going to win friends with that nickname.”
He chuckles. “Oh sorry. You don’t like the word turd, do you?”
“Not so much.”
“Gotcha, okay, sorry about that shit blossom.”
I hate that I laugh. “So not better.”
“It got me to hear that gorgeous laugh of yours though, so it’s a win for me.” He pauses for a second and then says, “Hey, I do need to talk to you about something serious.” From his tone, I sit up in my seat. What could he possibly ask me?
“Okay, what’s up?”
He takes a deep breath and says, “I’ve been having an issue lately that I need to get some help on.”
“Let me stop you right there. Is this going to be where you say something like your balls are blue and you need someone to assist you with them?”
“No, but my balls are blue, thanks to you.”
“Hey, I’m not holding you back. Have fun.” Those words feel sour coming off my tongue. Yes, I don’t want a relationship with Hollis, but the thought of him having that with another woman doesn’t make me feel all that great either.What the hell, Mel?
“I’m holding out,” he says with such conviction that I actually wonder if he will win out. “But that’s not what I’m talking about. I really need help. It’s kind of embarrassing to talk about.”
Okay, now he really has my interest.
Not wanting to show too much interest, I say, “Well, you better spit it out because my plane has started boarding.”
“Okay, but promise you won’t make fun of me?”
“I make no promises but I’ll give it a try.” I gather my items around me, sling my oversized bag on my shoulder, and get in line.
“I’ve been having a difficult time with the cowlick on the back of my head. It curls counterclockwise and I’m a man of tradition, someone who would appreciate their cowlick to obey social standards and curl in a clockwise motion. As you can tell, this is just devastating to me so I’m going to have to ask you to come out here instead of going to Omaha and tend to my cowlick. If your breasts end up in my mouth during that time, I won’t be mad.”
I should have known. Here I thought he was actually going to talk about something serious.
“I’m hanging up now.”
“So should I expect you later tonight then?”
“Goodbye, Hollis.”
***
Well, this is awkward.
The middle-aged-boob-staring man is behind me, yelling into my ear as to why I’m not moving through the aisle. How I got in front of him, I have no clue, and I have an elderly lady blocking my access to my seat who I’m pretty sure is dead. She has to be dead. There is no other explanation as to why she’s not moving after every poke I make to her wrinkly sac of a body.
I speak a little louder. “Ma’am, I’m in the window seat.” The girl sitting next to the dead woman looks familiar as she gives me a questioning look, as if to say, “What the hell do we do?”
“Ma’am, are you okay?” The girl pokes her, but nothing. We exchange anoh shitlook.
