I carefully folded her drawing. "You do that."
She plopped back down on the floor, not caring that her older sister had abandoned their activity to practice dancing to her latest K-pop obsession. I watched with a tender smile as Siennakicked her feet up behind her, humming a random tune as she outlined another heart.
"Mummy," she sang out. "Where's Daddy?"
I knew the question was coming. She'd already asked me at least five times today, and each time I smiled through my annoyance and answered her question with a light-heartedness I was far from feeling.
"You know where he is, sweetheart. Out playing golf, remember?"
What I really wanted to say was:'His friend managed to get a tee time for eight a.m., and he said yes without checking with me. Even though he conveniently forgot that Kehlani has ballet today, and I had to pick up the grocery shop at ten a.m.'
Sienna's head bobbed, her little tongue sticking out as she coloured in her heart, oblivious to her mother's swirling pool of anger.
The clock read seven p.m., and my lips rolled in to keep my tumultuous emotions at bay. His game likely ended hours ago, so that meant he decided to have a few beers at the pub—despite promising that he'd be home by five.
My phone had zero messages from him, which pissed me off even more. I'd raged at James multiple times to please,pleasemessage me if he was going to be more than an hour late. It used to worry me whenever he did this, to the point where I would look up traffic reports in case he was involved in a car crash.
But no. He was just inconsiderate.
"Come on, girls. Time for bed."
Tired grumbling came from them, but I ignored their complaints as I ushered them to the bathroom to brush their teeth.
And of course, just as I was turning down their bed covers, I heard my husband's key in the door.
"Daddy's home!" Kehlani screamed. I heard her toothbrush drop into the sink as she raced to the door.
"Guys, come on, you–"
"Hey, sweethearts! You getting ready for bed?" James' happily oblivious voice reached me as I reluctantly followed behind the girls.
My face was carved in stone as I greeted my husband, and his handsome face lit up when he saw me. He spread his arms wide in welcome, his smile goofy.
I stood stiffly as he cuddled me close before I wrinkled my nose and pushed him aside. "Ugh, you reek of beer."
"Sorry, baby," he shrugged. "I only had two, but someone spilt theirs on me at the bar."
He hitched Sienna up onto his hip while Kehlani tugged on his hand, trying to pull him down the hallway. Great, their bedtime routine was now shot.
"The guys wanted to have a few drinks. Felt it was rude to take off after Rob went into so much effort to get us that tee time."
"Right. Nevermind that I was here with the kids, shipping Kehlani off to ballet and doing a million other chores," I tightly pointed out.
James' face fell; that silly, dazed look he got after a few drinks was wiped clean off. "C'mon, Zara, don't be like that. I'm home now."
"Yeah, in time for them to go to bed."
His eyes rolled as he hefted a squealing Sienna upside down, as Kehlani jumped up excitedly, begging to go next. "They can stay up a little longer, can't they?"
I wanted to cry in frustration, but instead I shrugged. "Fine. You can take them to bed. I'm going to sleep."
I stormed off before I could hear his response, my blood boiling at his cavalier attitude. God, he didn't even apologise. Didn't even check on me once throughout the day to see if wewere alright. It was that kind of insensitivity that, over the years, started to feel more intentional than a slip of the mind.
I blew through my night routine, resentment coiling deep within as I heard my girls giggle and scream at whatever James was doing. He got to sweep in and be the fun parent while I did all the hard work with barely a thank you. The girls never laughed that hard with me, no matter how many activities or days at the park I arranged.
I stared at myself in the mirror as I slathered on my night cream. My eyes were stormy, and I willed myself to calm down. It could be worse. I mean, it could be fucking better, but it could be worse. James was a great father and provider, and I knew he loved me. But man…he was becoming more and more complacent and wilfully ignorant, and it was pissing me off.
Ever since I stopped working to stay home after Sienna was born, I'd started to feel like he was taking me for granted. He'd come home late, citing having beers with the boys after a long day. Friday nights, he usually went to the pub for a few pints and to play darts.
