I looked up at Alex’s tear-filled eyes. I was sure, like me, it didn’t really matter either way, but now that we knew, it was surreal. I kept imagining a smaller version of myself wrapping her daddy around her tiny finger.
He's done for.
"Are you happy?" I whispered, tears sliding down my face.
"So happy, baby." He smiled and kissed my forehead. "A girl is perfect."
I reached up and wiped the tears from his eyes with my thumb. "She’s gonna love her daddy."
How couldn’t she?
The conversation during the car ride home was eerily one-sided. I kept going on and on about princesses and pink butterflies. I’d never been much of a girly girl, but now that I was having a girl, I was kinda excited.
We parked in the driveway and walked up to my porch. The weather was unseasonably mild for November, so we sat on the porch swing and watched the neighborhood kids play kickball in the street.
"Is everything okay?" I asked. "You’ve been really quiet since we left the hospital."
"I was just thinking," he said. "So much has changed since I left last July. I never expected to come back and find out I was gonna to be someone’s father."
"Oh," I whispered. Of course, the bubble was gonna burst.
Why do I think I have any right to be happy?
"Joce." He took my hand. "I made a mistake. A big one."
I don’t want to hear it!
"You know what, Alex," I said. "It’s okay. I understand."
"No, you don’t," he said. "You have no idea."
"You don’t owe me anything. I just hope you’ll stay in her life." I looked down and rubbed my hand over my stomach. "I want her to have two parents."
"What?"
"It was hard growing up with only one," I said. "I want better for her."
"Of course she’ll have two parents," he said. "Why would you think I’d walk out now?"
"You said you made a mistake, so I just figured you didn’t want to hang around me." I looked down again, but he tilted my chin so I was forced to look into those piercing green eyes. Every time I looked at the man, I knew he was all I’d ever want.
"I made the mistake before I left."
"We both did that, and I don’t consider her a mistake anymore." Now he was making me angry.
"Stop it," he said. "Please stop assuming the worst, and let me finish."
I nodded, still not wanting to hear what he had to say, but it was better to let him get it out, and then we could move on.
"I didn’t tell you exactly how I felt when I left for the internship, and then when you pulled away, I still didn’t man up. If I would’ve told you what I was feeling, I could’ve saved you all the stress and worry over telling me about the baby."
"I just didn’t want to be a responsibility for you," I said. "I feel awful for going about this the way I did."
"First of all, you’re not, and never have been, an obligation or a responsibility to me. I want you just as much as I want our daughter. You’re a package deal for me. The thought of losing you drives me insane."
"I know you care about me."
"You do?" He appeared obviously relieved.
