"You didn’t have to do that," I told him.
"Yeah, I did," he said. "I should never have told her we’d try when I got back from Connecticut. That was never what I wanted."
"Well, I hope she understood."
"She wasn’t happy, and she yelled at me for leading her on, but once she figured out I didn’t plan on giving up my child, she backed off. As for my sister, well, I don’t really care what she thinks."
"That’s not true," I said. "Your family is too close. I know it bothers you, the way she treats me."
"I told her that," he said. "And while she’s not thrilled that you’re pregnant, she’ll get over it. She knows how much you mean to me."
"She does?"
I wishIknew.
"We’ll stay here this week, but the next time your dad works nights, we can revisit the idea of you coming and staying with me."
"We’ll see." I smiled, knowing he wouldn’t argue with me any further.Pregnancyhas some advantages.
He shook his head and continued to rub my feet. We were quiet for a few minutes, but I wanted to ask him about tomorrow. I just wasn’t sure how he’d feel.
"You’re all tense again," he said. "What is it?"
"Umm," I stuttered. "I . . . I wanted to ask you something."
"Sure, anything."
"Tomorrow is my next ultrasound, and I was wondering if you wanted to take me."
"Yeah," he said. "It’s supposed to snow tonight, so I’d be happy to give you a ride."
"Um, yeah, I’d like for you to drive me, but I was hoping you’d want to come in with me and see the baby on the monitor."
"You want me to come with you?" he asked. "Inside the exam room?"
"Yes, why wouldn’t I?" I asked. Why did he seem so surprised? "You’re just as much a part of this as I am."
"I know." He looked away, as if he were trying to stop himself from saying anything else. He seemed to do that a lot lately.
"Just say what you’re thinking," I said. "It’s better that way. Then I don’t guess."
"I just didn’t expect you to ask me, that’s all."
"Why?"
"Joce, you haven’t been very forthcoming with this pregnancy." He stopped rubbing my feet, stood up, and paced the room. "I think I’m just confused."
"About?"
"My place in all of this." He gazed out the window. "I don’t want to upset you, but I’m still having a hard time accepting that you kept this from me. I’m trying to get past it, and then when you say things like, 'You're just as much a part of this as I am', well, it’s a little frustrating."
"I apologized for keeping it from you," I said. "I was wrong, but I didn’t know how to tell you. I didn’t want you to feel obligated."
"You didn’t give me a chance to feel obligated," he said, and hurt laced his words.
"Alex, I made a mistake. I’m not perfect, but I want you to be here and involved in the rest of this pregnancy. I switched clinics so your dad could be more involved, and I let your mom help me pick my new physician. I’m trying. I swear I am."
"I know." He sighed and ran his hand through his hair. "I’m sorry. I just need to come to terms with what happened. I've only been back a week."
