I nodded.
He slipped his hand across my stomach and stopped when his palm lay dead center. He looked up and smiled at me. "Does she move?"
"Yeah." I smiled. "She’s asleep now, but that’s 'cause she’s tired 'cause she was so active at your house earlier."
"She was?" he asked, and I could tell how interested he was in what I was saying.
"Yeah, she moved a lot when we were in your bed."
He rubbed his hand over my stomach and said, "Well, maybe you should, I think, need to be in my bed more often." He was obviously having a harder time stringing words together so they made sense.
I couldn’t accept his intoxicated statements as promises. I needed him in his right mind before I would take anything he said seriously.
He leaned his head back on the sofa and closed his eyes. He was getting ready to pass out.
"Alex." I shook him.
"Hmm?" His eyes stayed closed, but his hand was still on my stomach.
"I’m gonna go get Zack now," I told him.
"Nah," he mumbled. "I wanna stay here with you."
"You can’t," I said. "I don’t think it’ll be good for either of us if Max comes home and finds you here, passed out on his couch."
"Max loves me." He smiled. "I watch sports, I went to Yale, and I drink beer. I’m perfect."
He started breathing heavily, and a few seconds later, the sound of his soft snores filled the room. I smiled and placed my hand over his, gently pressing it against my stomach.
I stayed like that for a few minutes, hoping when Alex was sober he’d still feel the same way he did tonight. I placed a few soft kisses along his jaw, before going to get Zack to take him home.
Chapter Eighteen
After Zack left with Alex, I couldn’t fall asleep. It was as if my brain just wouldn’t shut down. Alex wasn’t in his right mind, but I'd hoped the fact that he came to my house meant he wanted to be with me. He said he wanted me, wanted us, but I was afraid to believe him.
The next day dragged on forever. I worked at the coffee shop, and my body ached everywhere. My feet were swollen, my back felt like someone was constantly kicking me, and now I had this pain that shot down my butt and radiated all the way down my leg.
When I came home from work, Max informed me Sarah had called him and wanted to work things out. He was afraid the Jordans would try to take over, but I assured him that was just Sarah. She was a caring mom who wanted to make everything okay for her kids. If taking care of me meant Alex would be happy, then she would do it.
Max seemed relieved Sara'd mentioned child support. He was looking for a handout, but he was big on responsibility, especially after Liz just picked up and left me. He felt that if Alex didn’t want to stay with me, he should still be a part of the baby’s life and be financially responsible for the child's needs. We had to discuss all of these issues, but the idea of child support and visitation made me feel uneasy. It meant, to me, at least, that Alex and I wouldn’t be together, and he was establishing his rights as a father. I didn’t need any legal documents to prove he was the dad, and I would never keep him or his family away from our baby. But because of the circumstances, establishing some kind of boundaries made sense. I just hoped we didn’t need visitation.
After listening to Max for ten minutes, I decided I couldn’t take any more. My eyes were practically closed before I got up the steps. I collapsed onto the bed and fell into a deep sleep, something I always did after a long shift, but I usually didn’t sleep long. I’d slip into an uncomfortable position, and then thoughts of me rolling onto my stomach would scare me. Then I’d be fully aware that I had to be conscious of my sleep positions, which would then make me restless. I tossed and turned, trying to get into a comfortable place, but my mind was racing with thoughts of Alex and how he wanted to touch my stomach. He'd had the sweetest look on his face before he passed out.
I continued to fight my discomfort, slipping in and out of sleep, but it just wasn’t working. I felt someone sit on the bed with me, but I was afraid to open my eyes.
Could I be dreaming?
I shifted again and tried to quiet my mind, but then I felt a hand run through my hair.
It can't be. Open your stupid eyes, Jocelyn, and see for yourself. You’re dreaming.
There’s no way he’d be here in your bedroom.
He continued to caress my hair, and suddenly I felt calmer. I slowly opened my eyes, fully prepared to feel disappointed when I realized I was imagining his presence. I blinked a few times, but his image didn’t disappear.
"Alex?" I smiled.
"Hey, beautiful," he whispered. "Sorry if I woke you, but you looked uncomfortable."
