"Alex never does," Evan said. "But I know how he feels about you even if he doesn’t."
"What does that mean?"
"Come on, Jocelyn," Evan said. "You have to know how much he cares for you.
I’ve never seen him fall for anyone the way he’s fallen for you. You’ve changed him so completely."
"I know before he left, he cared about me," I said, and I really believed that. "And I think if I would have stayed in touch with him when he was away, and when he came home I wasn’t pregnant, it might have been different."
Maybe he would have eventually realized he was in love with me.
"But now, Evan"—I looked down—"it’s different. It’s going to be harder for us.
We hardly know one another, and now we have to be parents together. I don’t think Alex wants that."
"Jocelyn, you don’t know that. He’s just in shock."
"Look, you can’t speak for Alex. We’ll have to figure it out, but if Alex doesn’t want to be a part of all of this"—I put my hand on my stomach and almost lost my breath when I thought about raising a child completely on my own—"will you want to know this baby?"
"Joce," Evan whispered as he placed his hand over mine, "I’m always going to be here for you and this baby. You’re not ever gonna be alone."
"Okay." I sobbed. "Sorry I’m so hormonal."
He leaned in and kissed my cheek. "I love you, you know that."
"Love you too," I cried.
Why did those words come so easily for Evan and not for Alex?
After about a half an hour of convincing Evan I’d be fine by myself, he left. Max had the late shift and wouldn’t be home for a few more hours. I took a long, relaxing shower and slipped into Alex’s Yale shirt, which hardly fit over my stomach these days, and a pair of flannel pajama bottoms.
I was emotionally drained. I knew coming face to face with Alex wouldn’t be easy, but I didn’t think it would end with me storming out. Rationally, I knew he didn’t want me to give up our baby, but it hurt hearing him suggest the option. Everything was all so new to him. He hadn't even been home a full day and he'd been hit with fatherhood. I had to give him time to figure out what he wanted.
I smiled when I thought back to how he held me and tried to keep me warm in Jack’s study earlier in the evening. It felt so right, and I wished I would’ve told him how much the baby moved every time he spoke. And it wasn’t just in the study, either.
When we lay together in his bed, the baby kicked and was the most active I’d ever felt him. I'd wanted to tell Alex, but things went downhill so fast.
"You know your daddy, don’t you?" I rubbed my stomach. "I know he loves you, he just has to."
I tried to sleep, but I couldn’t stop crying. Alex was home, and he knew about the baby. But I was in no better position than when he wasn’t home and didn’t know. I always thought I wouldn’t force him into a life with me. He didn’t have to be with me, but I hoped he’d want to be in his child’s life. His parents and Evan wanted to play a role in my baby’s life, and I welcomed them. I was relieved that my secret was out. It had been a long four months, keeping something this big this quiet.
I rolled over onto my side and finally drifted off, but I was suddenly pulled out of sleep by the sound of a light banging noise. I couldn’t figure out what it was, so I closed my eyes again, but it wouldn’t stop. After a few more minutes, I realized it was the front door.
It’s two in the morning.
I jumped up, thinking something happened to Max. I quickly ran down the steps and opened the door.
"Hello, dars-lin’," Alex said as he stood there smiling at me, leaning on Zack.
"Alex?" I was stunned; what was he doing there?
"Sorry, Jocelyn," Zack said. "He wouldn’t give me his keys until I agreed to take him here. I would’ve taken him right home, but I was afraid he would just get on the Harley and come here anyway."
"Jocey loves my Harley, don’t cha, bootiful?" Alex smiled at my stomach.
"Okay," Zack said. "Now you’ve seen her, we have to go."
"No." Alex pushed Zack aside and came through the door. "Isn’t she perfect?" He wrapped his arms around my waist and pulled my back to his chest. "And look, that’s my baby in there."
