The sheets were so soft, the comforter fluffy, and the pillows just right, and all the bedding smelled of him. I took my shoes off and tossed them in the corner, then stretched out across the bed. I closed my eyes and thought about how much I wanted to be with him. I was scared for so many reasons:will it hurt really badly, can I please him,what if the condom breaks?
My stomach suddenly started to hurt.A condom?The reality set in. I was going to have sex with Alex, a man five years older than me. How many times had he done this and with how many girls? I didn't want to know. My throat was dry, and I felt nauseous.This is crazy. I shook my head, fighting back nerves. I had control of the situation. If I didn't want to do anything, I didn't have to. Alex would never force me.
He'd waited six weeks, and I knew that hadn't been easy for him, but if I had doubts, he wouldn't pressure me.
"Hey." He smiled as he walked into the room and climbed into bed with me.
"What are you doing up here?"
"Waiting for you," I said. "I hope that was okay."
"I'll never complain about finding you in my bed." He pulled me against his chest. "But did you want to order something to eat?"
"I'm not hungry," I told him. "How was Ryan's new car?"
"Sweet," he said. "And Brenna will be in her glory riding around in it. She's so materialistic."
"How could you not be, around here?" I reminded him. "You guys have everything."
"Does that bother you?"
"No," I said. "When I first started hanging out with Evan, I didn't want him to come to my house because I was embarrassed, and I think that's why we always hung out here. I hated pulling up in my old car and parking in your driveway, especially after seeing what kind of cars you all drove. My clothes, compared to Brenna's, or Evan's, for that matter, were laughable."
"Jocelyn, stop it," he said. "We don't look at those things."
"I know that now," I said. "And, with the exception of Brenna, I know you guys don't care about those things."
"No, we don't," he said. "But I do have something for you." He reached over to his nightstand, picked up a small box, and handed it to me.
"What's this for?" I asked.
"It's something I wanted you to have, and I hope you'll accept it."
"You didn't have to get me anything," I told him. "You already take me out all the time, and you always pay. I don't need gifts too."
"This is more of a necessity," he said. "Just open it."
I did what he asked and opened the box. I didn't know what to say.
"You have to be the only teenage girl on the planet who doesn't have a phone,"
he said. "I don't know how you manage."
"You bought me a cell phone?"
"It's extremely frustrating not being able to call or text you," he said. "I've taken care of the contract, so you don't have to worry about a bill."
"I had a phone," I said. "But, there was this writer's workshop over at the college I wanted to attend. The instructor was a published author, and it seemed really interesting."
"You write?" he asked. "Why have you never told me that?"
"I haven't actually written anything yet, I mean, a few short stories, but I don't know if I'm any good. When I saw the class being offered last fall, I really wanted to take it. My English teacher suggested it and said if my family could swing it, I'd really benefit from it."
"So, did you go?"
"Yes," I said. "And I learned a lot, but it was expensive. Max said I could do it, but between my car insurance and monthly cell phone bill, he couldn't afford the class too. He won't let me work too many hours at the coffee shop during school, so my paychecks are kinda small. They wouldn't pay for a phone bill half the time."
"So, you gave up the phone to take the class?"
