Future.
Joy.
Sunshine.
I trust you.
“Yes, but I don’t want to meet on another bridge,” I sigh with a small, forced smile.
Kiss me, please.
He stares into my eyes and gives me a huge smile, one just for me, and pulls me into a hug. We hold onto each other for what feels like forever, just like on the bridge, neither of us wanting to let go. Finally, after what could be hours, or maybe just minutes, he releases a heavy breath. I feelhis lips on the crown of my head for a long, hard kiss. My eyes burn. This is it.
“Take care of yourself, Thumbelina. Thank you for making the worst day of my life the best,” he murmurs into my hair. With one last squeeze, he releases me, takes a step back, and walks away, leaving me with…
Everything.
Chapter8
7 Months Later
Seven months ago, mylife changed forever.
The day I walked out onto the bridge, ready to end it all, and fell face-first into a beautiful giant turned my life upside down and right-side up. I meant it when I said he gave me everything. Everything except him, of course.
It’s been months, and fate never brought us back together. It did, however, bring me to my list. My list of a joy-filled future, one I’m intent on fulfilling, even the last entries Redwood added. He couldn’t have known, but those are the hardest ones for me. Kismet, though, right? They’re difficult, and they’re on my joy bucket list, so they’re goals I’m working towards. I still have extremelyhard days, but I’m actively working on finding the sunshine he believed was inside me.
I’m trying, so damn hard.
That day, when I got home after he left, was nuts, to say the least. In the chaos of my morning, and the crazy whirlwind of my afternoon, I forgot a few huge, key facts.
My letters being number one. The damn letters. My goodbyes.
Alyssa had found them and, thank God, she only read hers. She’d gone back to bed after the whole nightmare incident and, since she works nights, she was asleep until noon. She’d only found her letter a few hours before I got home.
In the meantime, however, she’d called the police, who set up a search. She’d called my parents, who were out of the city for the day. They’d driven back in absolute hysteria but never made it to their letters. Instead, they went straight to the police station to meet with a detective.
When I got home, the cops were there with Alyssa. She was a sobbing mess, understandably so. The police questioned me, and it was heavily suggested, if not basically required, that I go to the hospital for a psychiatric evaluation. I fought it tooth and nail, but ultimately relented to my parents’ pleas. I ripped up the remaining letters before anyone found them and voluntarily went to the hospital.
It was insane to me to think that going to the psych ward was necessary, given how utterly amazing my day turned out, but when I realized how badly it started, I figured talking to someone couldn’t hurt. I couldn’t achieveanything on my list if the weight of my past still rose up to drag me back down.
I stayed there for a week, until I was deemed mentally stable. The only medicine I was given was a prescription for anti-anxiety pills. The doctors decided against anything potentially lethal, given my history, even though overdosing was never a possibility. I went back to therapy and joined a support group for suicide survivors. These were choices I’d made.
I chose life, and, in choosing life, I chose to get help.
At my first meeting, I ran into an old friend. Well, he’s more than a friend. He’s my past. He, at one point, was the only one keeping me alive, above water. In the darkest moments of my life, he was my tether. We went through hell together, and then we were separated.
I had no idea I’d ever see him again, and I was terrified of how he’d react if we crossed paths. To my surprise, our friendship blossomed into someone I can’t live without. I’m not sure what we used to be to each other, but it’s very different from what we are now. Now, he’s just as much my tether to sanity and safety as I am for him.
Hunter.
I realized in meeting Redwood and talking things out with him, truly opening up, that there’s healing in asking for help. I don’t have to be alone. Opening up to people means letting them in, and although it’s scary, it’s healing, too. I still haven’t opened up to anyone about certain parts of my dark history, but it’s a step in the right direction. Hunter is here for that. He’s the only one in the world who knows what I went through, because he was there, going through it with me.
Well, he’s not the only one, but we stay the hell away from that topic. From them.
The support group helps. I’ve been going once a week. We don’t focus on the past, only on the future, which has been extremely helpful in getting to my joy. I even shared my experience on the bridge, the beautiful man who saved my life, and the list he helped me create. The woman in charge loved the idea and make a Joy List one week as an exercise. I even added some more to mine.
I’ve begun to knock some items off my list in recent months. I was accepted to San Francisco State’s business program. I’ve started to do some volunteer work. Not a single day goes by that I don’t think of him.Redwood.
