He rubbed his ear. “I feel like I reacted badly when you told me about your…side gig. But it wasn’t because of you. I’m not even sure it was about what you were doing.”
“Yeah, right,” I scoffed.
His gaze swept to the side. “I mean, it was the messaging more than the modeling that upset me.”
Oh, so he see it as modeling now? I crossed my arms.
“I think a lot of that reaction stemmed from my own insecurities,” he said.
I let out a disbelieving huff. “You’re hot, strong, and funny. You have an obscenely loving family. You have friends, a band, and you could’ve had a loyal, hard-working girlfriend, but you were worried about my clients?”
He tugged his ear. “I think it’s natural to worry about your girlfriend talking to guys on the internet, especially ones who’ll spend money on her. Those clients might want more than pics, and they might offer you more than I can, at least materially.”
“You think I’d want a sugar daddy?” I stifled a laugh. Even on the websites that advertised clients just wanting dates and conversations, it was pretty clear from subtext that naked hot tub time was encouraged. “After what I went through with Theo, you can be sure I’ll never be anyone’s ‘baby’ again.”
He squared up to me. “Right. You’re independent. Your clients aren’t a threat to…anyone you’d want to share your life with.”
Anyone like him.
I swallowed hard and tightened my towel around my breasts, my pulse hammering in my ears. “I spent a long time trying to figure out my brand. Modeling made sense to me. It’s been hard connecting to anyone, let alone an audience, since I was a kid. Lenses and screens kept me at an easy distance. Everybody judged everybody. I thought I wanted to be the woman every girl wanted to be—or at least the one people wanted to be with. But no one really likedme, the real me. They didn’t even know me.” I chuckled through the sting of harsh reality. “I’m not sure I let myself like anyone until you and your family opened up to me. But because of my job, you rejected me.”
He frowned and stepped closer. “I accept you. I like you.”
“You accept parts of me.” My body. The weird parts I wouldn’t have shown publicly.
He squeezed my shoulder, his calloused hands warm. “Nyx, Nikki, or Nic… Whoever you intend to be, I want to know you. So, will you show me?”
Water slid down my thighs and dropped to the floor with a quiet splat.
I wanted to show him everything.
42
In My Light
Even standing this close to him was risky. I was getting all swept up in old spice and beefcake proximity. He probably only wanted to make up because I was half-naked and leaving Fancee’s. I shook off the urge to hold him. We couldn’t start up again just because he didn’t want to lose me.
I needed to know he’d support me, that we had real compatibility.
“I-I have a client who likes me to step on things,” I blurted out.
“What?” Zack chuckled and furrowed his brow.
I shook my phone at him. “That’s the weirdest request I’ve accepted. I hate the mess, but it pays a couple hundred bucks, and it’s less gross than touching someone else’s disposable socks, in my opinion. I want to show you, so you know what you’ll be getting into, if I decide to let you in…”
He straightened his spine. “I’m in.”
“Good.” I let out a breath. He was open to my side gig. I yanked open the fridge door and prayed the cool air would tame my hot veins. Instead, it teased my nipples through the wet fabric.
“I thought you were going to show me a video,” he said, walking up behind me.
“You’ve already seen my gallery. I just want to see if you’re okay being around when I make this stuff, though, assuming you want to spend time with me again.”
His fingers grazed my shoulder. “I do,” he said.
My insides fluttered with the wistfulness of a spring breeze through gauze curtains. Or maybe a veil.
Now was not the time to picture him in a tuxedo. Tight pants…tight everything…
