After five hours’ sleep, I doubted it. “Thanks.” I had to stay strong.Do not return the compliment.
“How are you?” he asked.
“Fine.” Not pining. Not touching anything. I slid the sticky hand sanitizer between my finger webbing. “And you?”
He looked down. “I kind of feel like an idiot.”
“For what?” Trusting me? Loving me? Letting me go?
“For everything.” He huffed a humorless laugh. “I’m still trying to understand…” He furrowed his brow and met my gaze. “I’m sorry for my reaction. You opened up to me, and I appreciate that.”
“Okay.” It didn’t mean his views on my side gig had changed.
“I’m not used to… I’ve never…” He rolled his shoulder. “I mean, firefighters do the whole calendar thing for charity, right?”
I choked on a laugh. “Yeah?”
“Some of them also auction off dates. Not promising anything besides conversation, but, you know, they talk to people who’d be into that kind of thing,” he said, his neck flushing red.
This was almost painful to witness.
“You don’t have to pretend you’re suddenly okay with it,” I said.
“I’m not,” he insisted, though I wasn’t sure he meant he wasn’t pretending or he wasn’t okay with it. “We’re not fake anymore, remember?”
Were we ever?
He stepped closer. I looked at his lips and—
Ding!
The bell sharpened my resolve. “I have to get back to work.”
His posture sagged as I slipped away.
For some stupid reason, I paused in the doorway to play with the trim. “For what it’s worth, you’d make a really great fireman.”
His lip twitched up. “Yeah?”
I nodded and gave him a real but small smile. “I would’ve bid on you.”
He stood straight and beamed at me like the fucking furnace of warmth and wonderful he could be.
Ugh, what was I doing?
I dashed to the counter before I got myself into any more trouble.
I probably needed therapy. For now, good old retail therapy would have to do.
40
Special Delivery
Unfortunately, the thought of Zack as a firefighter lingered in my brain over the next few days. It slipped out amid Egyptian cotton dreams. Dream Zack marched into my bedroom wearing nothing but those heavy-duty pants and suspenders. He often carried a shovel or pushed a dolly with boxes stacked on top of it.
Tonight, he strode into my dreams again. I sat up in my silky negligee and asked, “Why are you here?”
He glanced at the lit candles on my nightstand. “I take fire safety very seriously. Come with me.”
