I’ve always taken it in the way you appreciate a nice car or a good bottle of whiskey. Purely objective. The breadth of his shoulders. The solid swell of his pecs. The dark trail of hair leading down to… yeah. I get it. I can see why some guy would be desperate to drop to his knees for him. Even… even a guy who’s usually into girls.
“You’re kinda making me want to try it,” I hear myself say.
“Hell yeah, man!” Troy grins, slapping my shoulder. “That’s what I’m talking about. You should totally go for it next time we’re out. Trust me, you won’t regret it.”
“Why wait?” I look down at my hands, then back up at him.
The smile fades from Troy’s face. He leans back, sinking into the couch cushions. “Whoa, dude. Hold up. What are you saying?”
“I mean…” I take a deep breath. “Why are we sitting here playing video games when we could be doing that instead? You know. Supplementing.”
2
Now it’s Troy’s turn to look at me weirdly. He sets his controller down on the coffee table with a soft click. For a few seconds, the only sound is the idle music from the game menu.
“You’re fucking with me,” he says.
“I’m not. You just spent ten minutes telling me it’s no big deal. And you made a pretty compelling case.”
“Yeah, but I was talking in general. Like, as a concept.”
“Well, I’m open to the concept.”
He stares at me. I stare back. His green eyes are narrowed, and I realize how intense they get when he’s not laughing or goofing around. I can’t tell if he’s pissed, surprised, or what.
“But you’re not some random dude at a party, Connor. We’re friends. Roommates.” He gestures around our small living room, littered with empty pizza boxes and beer cans. “This is our place.”
“Yeah.” I swallow. “So? Doesn’t that make it easier? Nobody has to find out.”
“Jesus Christ, Con.” Troy runs a hand through his hair, messing it up even more. “It’s different.”
“How?”
“It just is, man. That’s… don’t you think that’s a little weird?”
Fuck.I completely misread the situation, didn’t I? I was so busy picturing him with that other guy, so busy noticing the outline in his sweats, that it all got tangled up in my head. I’ve overstepped. I’ve made it awkward. This is the guy I have to see every single day, the guy whose smelly socks I have to pick up off the floor. I need to backtrack, fast.
“Right, yeah. Of course.” I force a laugh that sounds hollow even to my own ears. “I was just messing with you, man. Seeing how you’d react. Totally kidding.” I grab my controller. “You’re getting way too easy to rile up. Now let me get my revenge.”
But Troy doesn’t pick up his controller. He’s still looking at me with that weird expression.
“You sure you were kidding?”
“Dude, obviously.”
“Because for a second there?—”
“Come on, Troy. You know me. Always giving you shit.” I’m talking too fast, the words tripping over each other. “Got you good, though. You looked freaked.” I shove his shoulder. “Payback for springing all that gay shit on me out of nowhere.”
I’m pushing it. I know I’m pushing it. I keep my eyes glued to the TV screen, my thumbs hovering over the buttons, ready to start another match and pretend this never happened. My heart is beating against my ribs like a trapped bird.Please just let it go. Please just let it go.
But Troy doesn’t let it go. He’s seen me talk my way out of too many things to fall for a half-assed recovery attempt like this.
“You’re a shitty liar, Con. You always get a little twitch in your eye when you’re full of shit.”
My eye twitches. I feel it. “Whatever, man. Are you gonna play or not?”
He reaches out, not for his controller, but for mine. He gently pries it from my fingers and sets it next to his on the table.
