He turned abruptly, dropping his hands. When he saw her, he went rigid, his face dark and stormy. Stalking over to her, he reached around and slammed the door closed behind her back.She gasped at the ferocity of that single action.
“Where were you?” he said through gritted teeth.
“Where was I when?” she asked.
“You were outside the castle gates, I saw you return.”
Was that what had him so angry?“But I had a guard with me. And I didn’t try to escape”, she told him, still trying to decipher his strange behavior.
He reached for her, grasping her roughly by the shoulders. “Isawthat you had a guard with you!” He growled. Then he pulled her closer and said almost in a whisper “What is he to you?”
She sucked in a breath as his fingers dug into her flesh, and a little thrill blossomed in her chest.Jealous.He’s jealous!He had seen her with Colin and thought that they…Oh,maybe there is hope after all!She shrugged nonchalantly, trying not to smile in the face of his obvious rage.“Colin is a guard. You said I must have one when I leave the castle gates.That’s because you don’t trust me”, she added in reminder.
“Why should I trust you?” he bellowed, taking a step back and releasing her to throw his arms wide in a gesture of frustration. “You won’t even tell me who you are, damn it!And then you tease and torment me until I kiss youagainst my better judgment. God! I’m only a man, and a man has limits of his restraint! And now I see you trying to do the same to my guard!”
Oh, now he was making her angry, whether or not his words were driven by jealousy.Against his better judgment?TeasingColin?Her hands drew into fists and she clenched her teeth.This time it was she that took a step forward. “I tease and torment you?You think that’s what I’m doing?Youbrought me here!Youare keeping me here!Youwon’t let me leave the castle without a guard! And”, she added, just to make him angry, “I don’t belong to you; I can kiss whomever I please!Youcan’ttell me who I may or may not kiss!” With a frustrated growl, she pummeled his chest with her fist, with very little effect, until he grabbed both her wrists in one hand and held them up above her head.
Furious, she started to raise her knee to kick him in the groin, but he twisted her arms behind her back and in one smooth motion shoved her face down onto the bed, landing hard on top of her.The air left her lungs with a whoosh. The entire lengths of their bodies were pressed together now, and Ella struggled against his crushing weight. Her struggles only made him hold her tighter, and so finally she stopped, only to feel that his desire pushed hard and hot against her, and hisbreathing was shallow and rapid in her ear. The heat of his body seeped through her clothing, and her rage of moments before melted away like the tide to be replaced by a thrill of awareness, pooling low in her belly. She could hear the pounding of her own heart echoing loud and fast where her ear was pressed against the mattress. God, what would he do now? Her breath hitched; she was entirely at his mercy. She knew what she wanted him to do, right or wrong, more than anything. She felt herself arching up just a little, pushing back against him, her body acting of its own accord. He exhaled sharply.
God! He had never felt like this, passion pounding in his blood so strongly he could barely think. Never had he been so close to taking a woman at all costs, willing or not, and certainly never against hisownwill. He could not pull himself away from her, he could not. He only wanted to be closer. He wanted to tear her clothes from her body and taste every inch of her skin and bury himself deep inside and stay there forever. He pressed his lips to her nape, inhaling her scent, his body trembling with the restraint that he barely held on to. His free hand slipped under her chest and found her breast, squeezing gently. Every fiber of his being was screaming for him to take her,claimher. His need pulsed hot and hard against her, the fierce urge to thrust almost unbearable. A soft moan escaped his lips.
But then he remembered. No, heforcedhimself to remember why he hadn’t married, why hewouldn’tmarry. Even if Ella wanted him now, he had seen the way she was with the other women’s children. When she found out he really couldn’t give her a child of her own, that the curse was more than just an auld tale, she would leave him, just like Brigid, and he would not be able to bear it. Summoning every ounce of strength he possessed, and some he did not know he had, he pulled away from her, lumbering clumsily from the bed and walking to the door, the pain of his unsatisfied lust nearly as great as the pain in his heart. Without looking back, he left the room and shut the door behind him. He leaned back against the hard, cool oak of the closed door for a moment, taking deep breaths and trying to compose himself enough to go back down to the hall. But his flesh would not cease to burn.
Chapter 11
Ceann had plenty of time to consider everything on the day-long ride to Briding. He was so sullen and silent that even the men usually quite tolerant of his moods left him alone. And Ethan; he had abandoned him too, to ride beside some pretty wench farther back in the train of horses. But there was Ella, just ahead of him, where he could see her straight slim back and rounded hips that swayed with the gait of the horse. And her silky golden blond hair, tied back loosely and blowing in the soft breeze. For what must be the thousandth time, he wondered about her. He wondered where she had come from and why he had found her on her own.He even wondered if she was still a virgin, though he had no right. He thought not; she didn’t have any maidenly shyness about her. Her touch was sure and confident, as if her hands belonged on him.Was she a widow then? He hoped so, because he was not so sure he could stop himself from harming any man who claimed to be her husband. And, he reflected, shecertainlyknew how to kiss. When he had kissed her he would have rather died than let her go. But the idea of her having kissed another man, lain with another man, made him furious. If he knew who the man was that had been first to touch her, he would kill him, even though he had no right to such feelings. And if he didn’t kill him for touching her, he would kill him for leaving her alone and unprotected. That brought him back to wondering whether or not she was a spy, and so by the time they reached Briding, everyone was giving their laird a very wide quarter.
They rode into the meadow outside the village of Briding at supper, and there was still plenty of time to set up camp before dark. All around, other clans had already laid claim to areas where they had erected their tents and sat now around the cooking fires while children ran and played. Still others were just arriving, as they were. Here andthere a joyful shout rang out as reunions took place, and groups of giggling lasses stood at the edges of the camps, no doubt prospecting for husbands among the eligible young men. Someone had begun to play the pipes, and the lively music seemed to make everyone’s work go faster. Robbie set up the small tent that she and Mairi were to share, and they moved their things into it and set out their bed rolls before going off to explore. Ella had never in her life seen so many people gathered in one place, and her eyes darted everywhere, trying to take everything in. Truly she had led a rather sheltered life up until now. Grabbing Mairi by the hand, she dragged her off to mingle with the crowds. Ceann was nowhere to be seen; he had disappeared as soon as they’d arrived. Probably off meeting with other lairds, she thought. But luckily he had not told her she couldn’t walk freely around the gathering.
After awhile they went to find Mairi’s aunt and cousins, who shared their dinner with the two girls, and gave them some spiced wine. They chatted happily, catching up on the news while Ella listened. She closed her eyes for a moment to let the lively music fill her head, but quickly opened them again when she felt someone watching her. She looked up to see a man she recognized as a MacKenzie, and another man she did not know; they were looking right at her. She stiffened and nudged Mairi. The men were too far away, she couldn’t hear what they said, but the way the stranger looked at her made her uneasy. “Who is that?” she whispered, motioning with her chin while pretending to look at the fire.
“Tis Laird McInnes”, Mairi answered under her breath.
“Why is he staring at me like that?” She was getting nervous now.
Mairi patted her arm. “Don’t fret, he probably just wants to know who you are”, she paused. “Unless, you know him… from somewhere?”
Ella looked at her friend. They had grown so close over the past few weeks that she sometimes forgot Mairi still knew nothing about her past. And she was kind enough not to ask.“No, I’ve never seen him before today. You’re probably right. I am still a stranger here.”
Mairi shivered. She would not say so to Ella, because she didn’t want to frighten her, but the look on McInnes’s face did not bode wellto her. She did not think Ella was at all aware of how beautiful she was; how attractive to men, especially with her full beasts, small waist, and softly rounded bottom. Men would do ridiculous things to possess a woman like Ella. Had she perhaps never seen a mirror? The McInnes had been looking at her like an object he saw and was determined to take, one way or another.
They stayed there visiting until it began to grow dark and they had to return to their tent. At the MacKenzie camp, a big fire had been lit, and a number of the men were sitting near it on upturned logs, passing a flask of whiskey and telling tall tales. She scanned the faces, but Ceann was not among them. Maggie saw them returning and scolded them into their tent, telling then they’d be ill if they didn’t rest after such a long journey, and then the festivities on the morrow. Giggling, they crawled into their bed rolls.Mairi fell asleep almost instantly, but Ella lay awake for a long time. Even after the music stopped, and the voices died down, her blood still thrummed with excitement. She wanted to be out in the night, not encased in a stuffy tent.Mairi snored softly beside her, and she began to wonder where Ceann had gone. She had not seen him since shortly after they arrived. Not that she saw him every evening at Tulloch, but things felt different here, among so many strangers.A sudden thought occurred to her. What if he was with a woman? Maybe even now he was renewing an old love… Her stomach pitched uncomfortably. So this was what jealousy felt like. It was not a pleasant feeling, no wonder Ceann had lost his temper the other day in her room. She could not rid herself of the disconcerting thought no matter how hard she tried. She knew that he was notlikelyto be with someone, given all that he had said, but then maybe he had only meant he wouldn’tmarry.Maybe he still fulfilled hisotherneeds with willing women. How strange that the thought had never even occurred to her until now.
She lay awake still, stewing, until she thought she would surely go mad if she didn’t know one way or another. She peered carefully out of the tent. The fires had all burned down to coals, but she could see by the moonlight that all the men had either gone to their tents or fallen asleep where they sat. There was only the sound of their snores, andthe faint wail of a restless bairn from another camp across the lea. She crept barefoot and silent to Ceann’s tent, and listened at the entrance. Hearing nothing, she lifted the flap just slightly and looked in. He was there, alone. She breathed out her relief; feeling like a leaden weight had been lifted from her chest. He was sleeping, and the moonlight shone through the white fabric of the tent so that she could see his face. He looked… different in his sleep. His features were relaxed from their usual grim scowl, and he looked almost peaceful, except for his hand resting lightly on the handle of his sword, ever-ready for battle.Her heart squeezed tight in her chest. She wanted to go over and touch him, smooth the waves of chestnut hair that had fallen over his cheek, and aye, kiss his slightly parted lips, and stretch her body out along side his.She wavered. She almost went to him. But she lost her courage, and instead reluctantly let the flap of the tent fall softly closed and tiptoed back to her bed. This time, she slept.
The next morning Ella opened her eyes to find the day had started without her. Already there was a clamor of activity outside, and the smell of smoke and the mealy scent of cooking porridge wafted in. She and Mairi rose quickly and ran down to the river to wash. Maggie, who had probably been up for hours already, handed them each a bowl of porridge before going off for a rare visit with her sister, who had years ago married into a neighboring clan.After all had eaten and prepared, it was time for the games to begin. The pipes began to play, and everyone gathered at the edges of the gaming field, the crowd thrumming with anticipation, the excitement contagious.Ella sat on a wool blanket to watch with Mairi and Elizabeth and a few other women who held wiggling bairns on their laps. They were on a small rise, so even though they were farther from the field than most, they had a good view; Mairi wanted to be sure to see her Robbie when he took the field. Elizabeth declared it didn’t matter because she never could watch when her husband Donnie was fighting. She just shut her eyes and waited until it was over, then patched him up as best she could.
Ella watched the first part of the games without too much interest; she’d never been all that fond of sport. Instead she idly wove anecklace for one of the children out of long stems of grass. But when the fighting began with the clash of swords echoing and the crowd cheering, she sat up and took more notice. She was terrified that someone would be seriously hurt, but at the same time enthralled by the skill and brute strength of the men wielding the weapons.
When Ethan appeared on the field, she held her breath, afraid to keep her eyes open as he fought. If anything happened to Ethan…In some ways he reminded her of Malcolm, like an older brother, and Ethan, she knew, wanted happiness for Ceann. She wanted that too. At the cheer of the crowd she finally let out the breath she had been holding in a sigh of relief. He had won.
That relief was not to last long, as a moment later Laird McInnes strode on to the field, standing still with his sword raised high in the air until the crowd had quieted. His words cut her to the quick.
“I challenge you, Ceann MacKenzie, to a contest, your lovely captive as the prize!” The crowd roared with laughter and cheers, and more than a few bawdy remarks. Ella realized her mouth had dropped open and abruptly closed it.
She turned to Mairi, incredulous, and whispered, “Does he mean me?”
Mairi had a grim look on her face. “Aye, he does.”
