She licks her lips, and I can see apprehension softening her features. “Did you know about Ever and Treachery’s Riot?”
Jess’s eyebrows pull in toward each other in confusion. “Treachery’s Riot?The band?”
She looks at me as the truth hits her and apologizes. “I’m sorry.”
I run my hands through my hair, and though I’m irritated with so many things at the moment, the only thing I feel toward her is relief.
“I’m going to ask again, because I need y’all to enlighten me. What the fuck is going on?” He’s lost.
Soph picks up her phone and hands it to him. The video she showed me is playing.
He looks confused at first and dismisses it with a chuckle and, “That’s crazy.” But after taking in my sober expression, he taps the screen again to restart the video. He looks like he’s been sucker punched. And I’m the one who’s done it. “You’re the dude behind the mask.” It’s not a question.
I lick my lips. The fear and irritation I felt minutes ago are morphing quickly into guilt for betraying these two. “Raven. Yeah.” I have no idea what’s going to happen, but emotion isswelling, and I’m grateful it’s them I’m with when this explodes. Even if they don’t react the way I hope they will, at least they’ll know the truth.
He drops into a barstool a few feet away. “Okay, let me get this straight.” He shakes his head and starts ticking items off on his fingers. “You’ve been in one of the most popular bands in the world for the past few years. You’ve hidden your identity the entire time.” He looks at me, and I can see the lightbulb ignite when he adds, “Raven?Really? Evermore St. Clair, you clever motherfucker. The clues were there, and even I didn’t see them.” He shakes his head and returns to his third point. “You wrote and co-produced two number-one albums. You’ve performed in front of sold-out stadiums.” He breaks again and says, “You played Download Fest last year.”
I nod. I’m still unsure where he’s going with this. Is he pissed? Is he in shock?
Head still shaking, he stands and starts circling the kitchen island. I know it’s best to keep quiet when he’s like this. When he finally stops, he rests his giant hands on the countertop and braces himself. “I was in that crowd, Ev.” He balls his fist and pounds the counter excitedly before pointing at me. “You played fucking Download.”
Before I know what’s happening, he’s rounded the island, gripped me around the waist, and picked me up like my two hundred plus pounds is nothing. “Ev, this is the coolest thing that’s ever happened.” He’s laughing when he sets me back on my feet, but it fades when he takes my face in his hands and says, “I’m so proud of you, little brother.”
And that’s all it takes for something inside me to flip a switch. Growing up, Mom and Jess were the type of people who showed love by giving you a hard time. Saying things like ‘I’m proud of you,’ isn’t something they do. It’s only now that I realize how much I needed to hear it. I’ve pushed myself for years towrite a better song; worked with a singing coach to develop my voice; played thousands of hours on guitar, drums, and piano; overcame stage fright; worked out militantly so I could perform for ninety minutes; alienated myself from everyone because I thought I was protecting them from the circus. Thinking if I could get everything perfect, I’d find peace. But every day, there were new demands from management and a label that saw me as a money-making machine, not a human being. And the relentless chatter from trolls online, threatening to out me or coordinate plans to stalk me after concerts, wore me down. I was exhausted, and alone, and pissed, and scared, and burned out, and had fallen out of love with the one thing that was always a constant. Music. But now, looking at him, it makes me wonder if maybe it was worth it.
“We always said we’d go to Download together someday.” I smile, and it’s the first time in so long that anything to do with Treachery’s Riot has made me happy. “I guess we did.”
My head still in his hands, he rocks me side to side before releasing. “Fuck yeah, we did.”
Soph’s standing on the far side of the room, hands tucked in her back pockets, and her head tipped to one side. “Evermore St. Clair? How did I not know your full name?”
Jess laughs. “It’s posh as hell, isn’t it?”
She shakes her head like she’s stunned. “Posh? I suppose. Sexy? One hundred percent.”
I can’t not touch her after saying something like that and walk to her. “Mom is a Poe fan. ‘The Raven’ is her favorite poem. Nevermore was too dark, so she went with Evermore.”
She takes my hands when I reach her. “I love that. It’s sweet.”
I can’t help but smile because the relief keeps hitting me in waves.
Jess asks, “We can tell Lola and Benji, right? Since it’s not a secret anymore.”
Without turning to face him, I say, “Sure.”
He sounds like an elephant plodding down the stairs, but I tune him out because the look on Soph’s face makes me want to take her to her bedroom and spend the rest of the day tangled in her sheets.
“Are you okay?” she whispers.
“I don’t know yet. You guys have no idea what’s coming. Shit’s about to get intense. But it’s a relief that you and Jess know. What about you? Are you okay?” I ask.
“I think I’m in shock, but that’s fading. I’m moving into the how-can-we-get-Evermore-St.-Clair-through-this phase. Which will dovetail nicely with the no-one-better-fuck-with-him-or-they’ll-have-to-go-through-me phase. It’s all gonna come together. We need to sit down and put all our cards on the table, though. No more secrets.”
“No more secrets.” I know our time alone is coming to an end when I hear Lola scream, so I lean down and kiss the side of Soph’s neck. I need an outlet because I’m a volcano ready to erupt.
When her back bows and she arches into me, I know she’s coiled as tight as I am.
“We could make them wait?” I whisper before tugging at her earlobe with my teeth.
