I take a deep breath and let my truth out into the open. “I’m so scared to fail. And that’s a good thing sometimes because it motivates me to work harder and persevere. But sometimes it prevents me from trying something new. Or dreaming of what’s possible.”
“If you never try, you’ve already failed,” Audrey says, and it’s not the first time tonight I’ve wondered what it was like for Gus growing up with this woman. It’s no wonder he’s achieved all he has with her as a role model.
“I know,” I admit, and I’m a little embarrassed saying it in front of these women, even though I don’t think they’ll judge me.
“Fear as a sole source of motivation is exhausting. What about pride, satisfaction, fulfillment, or plain-old joy? Do they motivate you?” she asks, gently.
I stop and think. “I feel like I haven’t earned that privilege?” It comes out like a question. “Grinding to survive has been the mode I’ve been stuck in. I’m trying to transition out of that, but it’s challenging.”
“What was your previous career?” Scout asks.
“I was a senior project manager for a major insurance company.”
She taps her finger on the tabletop, and I wonder if this woman’s brain ever rests. It’s like seeing my reflection in a mirror. “I’m assuming you led a team?”
I wobble my head. “Technically, it wasn’t in my job description.”
“But you did it anyway.” It’s not a question.
When I don’t confirm, Lola does. “She did. Her boss was clueless and got the job through cronyism. He was an ass.”
I nod. “That’s true. He was an ass.”
“And you moved your way up to that position?” She asks the question like she already suspects the answer.
“Yeah, I started in an entry-level position, learned on the job, and moved my way up,” I confirm.
“So, you’re highly organized, a problem-solver, a self-starter, a leader, creative, dedicated, hard-working, adaptable, and dependable.” She pauses and looks from Audrey to Gemma. “Am I missing anything?”
“Loyal. I’ve watched you with your family and friends tonight. You care deeply, and you’re very protective. You’d walk through fire for them,” Audrey says with a smile.
I nod. “I would.”
“She has,” Lola says. “Over and over.”
“I’m not sure how to explain it, because,” Gemma holds up her margarita glass, “tequila, but you just have this thing about you. Like Scout. Maybe it’s the still water runs deep thing. From the moment I met you, I was like, oh, this is a woman you don’t fuck with.”
“Are you trying to call us bitches?” Scout teases, wholly unoffended.
Gemma shakes her head. “No. Or maybe I am, I don’t know. It’s one of my favorite things about you. You’re so fucking real, and that’s intimidating to a lot of people. You’re grounded, unflappable.”
“I feel like that’s one hundred percent, Scout, but me?”
Lola jumps in. “You’re exactly right, Gemma. Soph can’t see it, but that’s who she’s always been. Unapologetically real. She’s never tried to impress or be someone she’s not.”
Scout smiles. “All that to say, you’re not gonna fail, at this job or any other. It’s true, you’ve never managed a band before. But you have all the skills to succeed. And look who you’re working with. This isn’t Ever’s first rodeo. He might be young, but he’s been through stuff. He knows what works and what doesn’t. Open communication with your band is everything. Stay open-minded, be prepared to pivot at a moment’s notice, and when necessary, be a bitch. I say that with all due respect,be an absolute bitch when necessary. The world we live in demands it. When it comes to negotiations, especially as a woman, there are people who won’t play nice. People who will overlook you. People who will dismiss you. People who will discount you. That’s when the gloves come off, and you take a stand for your band, and for yourself.”
“I needed this,” I tell her, honestly. It’s Mabel’sIt’s time to raise hellphilosophy, but blunter. “Have you all always been this confident, or is there something in the water in San Diego?” I ask, only half-joking.
“I’m pretty sure Audrey came out of the womb a fully formed, functional adult, so…” Scout says.
Audrey smiles and humbly says, “I’ve always been quite independent. And stubborn. When I get an idea in my head, I’m like a dog with a bone.”
Scout raises her eyebrows. “Understatement. And the best mentor a girl could ask for.” She points at Gemma. “And this one’s British, it’s in their DNA.”
Gemma takes a sip. “Yeah, I’ll give you that one.”
“But me? It’s been hard-earned,” Scout says.
