“But I should’ve asked you if you were doing okay.” It sounds like an agonizing apology. “Just once, I should’ve been there for you. I wasn’t. And I’m so sorry for that.” We’re all quiet for several seconds before she starts in again. “Toby, tonight when Cliff came and knocked on our door and told us what happened, I felt like I’d been punched in the gut. The pain of what could’ve been was quickly followed up by the relief that it didn’t. Don’t youeverscare us like that again. I know I’m horrible at telling people how I feel, but I care about you, Toby. I care about your happiness and your future. I’ve been doing a lot of soul-searching the past hour and I’ve decided it’s time everyone knows the truth, including my grandma. You’ve sacrificed yourself way too long to protect me.”
I hear the chair creak again. I don’t know if Johnny decided he needed to take a seat to hear the news or if Chantal sat down because she can’t get through this standing.
“A little over a year ago…” She stops to quell the emotion that’s rising.
“Chantal, you don’t have to tell them. It’s okay. Don’t do this for me,” I beg.
“I was raped,” she continues as if I didn’t speak, “by my English professor. I got pregnant. With Joey.” I hear pacing, it’s Johnny. He does this when he’s trying to solve a problem. I hear the click of his lighter, followed quickly by another cigarette and the Zippo sliding under the door for me.
I gladly accept the calm, light up, and slide the lighter back out when I’ve taken a few drags.
Silence stretches on. Everyone is processing. I close my eyes and focus on breathing in the nicotine.
“Joey isn’t Toby’s?” Johnny finally asks.
“No.” Chantal’s guilt is a burden she carries with her every day. I know that. But I don’t think I’ve ever truly felt the gravity of it until now.
“Chantal, you don’t have to talk about this. It was my idea, Johnny. Chantal didn’t want anyone to know what happened, so I offered to help. You know…so nobody had to know who his real dad was.”
“Shit,” Johnny says, and in that one word, I hear his shock at the situation and his alarm on Chantal’s behalf.
“Yeah,” Chantal seconds. “Shit.”
More silence.
“Did you go to the police?” Alice finally asks.
“No,” Chantal whispers. “You have no idea how ashamed I am to say that in front of all of you, but I couldn’t do it. I knew no one would believe me.” Her voice is thick again.
Johnny’s voice is soft when he says, “I have a friend who’s a cop. I’ve known him since we were kids, he’s a good guy. If you ever change your mind and want to talk to someone, to report it…” he trails off like he doesn’t know what else to say.
“I don’t think I’m quite there yet, but thanks, Johnny.” She’s not, but I hope she gets there someday. “Everyone knows, so you’re off the hook, Toby. You don’t have to pretend any longer.”
“I don’t regret anything I did for Joey, I hope you know that.”
She huffs out an almost laugh and it’s admiration. “Of course you don’t, because you’re selfless. And good. You know, there are so many times I’ve wished that Joeywasyours. So many times I’ve prayed that he grows up knowing you. That you never move on and out of his life. I don’t know what your future holds or where it will take you, but I hope you’ll only be a phone call away for him.”
“Uncle Toby?” I suggest.
“Uncle Toby sounds perfect.” She’s smiling, I can hear it.
“Okay,” I agree.
“I’m going to go now; I need to get to bed. Thank you for not leaving us tonight. We need you in the world because you make it a better place.”
I don’t say anything. I know she doesn’t expect me to.
The front door opens and shuts amid shuffling and a myriad of goodbyes.
“Good night, Alice. We’re going to leave you two alone and get to bed,” Johnny says and then he adds, “Thanks for coming. You’re the best thing that’s ever happened to Toby.”
“Good night,” she says softly.
“Night, Alice,” Cliff says, and I notice that he called her by her name instead of calling herthe hot girl from downstairs. And then Cliff’s voice is closer, like his lips are pressed against the crack in my door. “You know I always thought Joey wasn’t yours, but I couldn’t figure out why you’d lie for her.”
“I just tried to make things easier,” I answer.
“Yeah,” he says in understanding. “I also know about all those girls you left Dan’s with every Friday night, that you just took them home. That nothing ever happened.” I would expect taunting from him, but it’s not.
