Johnny looks his way. “When Toby wakes up, talk to him. He’s a good listener.”
Johnny nods.
We walk out of the hospital side by side. When we hit the fresh air outside, I consider making a run for it, but the pull is short-lived because I don’t have the energy. I promise myself that when we get home, I’ll get my second wind and leave from there.
In Johnny’s truck, I close my eyes.
Just for a minute…
When I open them, we’re parked in front of the Victorian on Clarkson.
I wasn’t supposed to come back here.
Ever.
But I’m so tired that I can’t stick to the plan.
I shuffle inside ahead of Johnny because he walks behind, probably in case I fall. Two flights of stairs feel like twenty-two when you’re navigating them half asleep. When we reach the apartment door, I stand to the side of it and let Johnny unlock it because I don’t have keys to this place anymore. I left them behind earlier knowing I’d never need them again. Unlocked, I drag myself through the open door of my bedroom.
I hear Johnny say, “You need to eat something before you go to sleep, Toby,” but I ignore him and shut the door behind me.
I contemplate kicking off my shoes and getting comfortable, but then decide I don’t need to be comfortable for this and sling my backpack to the ground. Lying down on the sleeping bag, I unzip my backpack and with trembling hands pull out the pill bottle.
Open it.
Shake out a handful.
Put all thirty-one pills in my mouth.
And close my eyes.
Alice flashes across the back of my eyelids.
Her words ring in my ears.
Tears spill out.
This wasn’t the plan.
I’m supposed to be alone.
Not in this house.
I didn’t want it to end like this with Johnny just outside the door.
But I know better than anyone that sometimes you don’t get what you want…
Part Two
There are two sides to every story.
This is The Other Side of Toby’s.
The side that lends perspective.
And changes everything.
Chapter Thirty-Eight
