Isaac felt sick again.He had to stare at the lantern,watching the droplets fall.
“Circumnavigation,” Zaria said.“First expedition to clearthe globe.You’ll be inking the maps, making diplomacy, hauling trade, you’llbe collecting all these monsters and going to all these places and it’sjust—it’sright there.”She opened her hands to emphasize the point.“You can have it.You can live all your dreams.”
“I don’t care,” Isaac said.“I’m coming with you.”
“Well, I’ll fucking care, even if you don’t got the bother.I don’t want you wastin’ your life for me.I’m just—” Her breath came throughhis hair.“I’m just street trash, love.I was never meant for greatness.Neverhad hope for it.I’m fine this way.It’s expected.I’m not worth ...allthis.”
Isaac slid his hands beneath her back, rubbing the muscle.“Yes, you are.”
“No.”Her chest was hitching.“No, I’m not.Don’t do this.Please.You don’t know what you’re throwing away.You can have more than I’llever offer.”
“Z,” he said.“I don’t care.”
“You need to care.This ain’t right.You need to—”
“Z.I don’t care.You know?I’ve always....”
He lay there for a moment, his cheek rising with the breathof her chest.The lantern swayed with the sea.The air was salty, and his mouthwas dry.
“I’ve always cared,” Isaac said.“Every decision I’ve evermade.It’s always—what if this is wrong, and what will others think, and I’mjust not good enough, and....”He swallowed.“I’m always second-guessingmyself.I never feel like I know what the right decision is.”
He took a deep breath.
“I keep worrying that, deep down, my uncle has ruined me.I’ll just be scared the rest of my life, always fretting over everything I do.”
He tightened his arms, pulling himself against her.
“I’m not scared now.You know?I don’t care about thecontract, or adventure, or posterity, or whatever else I used to want.If it’sa choice between you and everything else, then I’m picking you.It’s thatsimple.For the first time in my life, it is exactly that simple.”
A smile emerged, completely on its own.
“I don’t know what I’ll end up doing with myself,” Isaacsaid, “or even the person I want to become.All I know is that I want you to bethere with me.That’s all that matters.”
There was a long pause.It went on so long that Isaacthought she might not answer at all.Suddenly, he felt her breath turn ragged.There was a whine in his ear.When Isaac pushed himself up, he found Zariastruggling not to sob.
“What’s wrong?”he asked.
She closed her eye, wincing.
“Z?”
“I thought it was happening,” she said, her voice thick.“Ithought you were finally gonna leave me.”She breathed, ears folding flat.“It’s just what happens.People stab your back whenever they can.Everyone doesit.They’ll take the chance, if it’s there.For a second, I was certain thatyou....”
“What?”he replied, shocked.“No!Of course not!”
Her chest hitched.
“I wouldnever,” he said, feeling instantly sober.
Zaria looked up at the cabin ceiling, her face scrunched,her efforts at restraining her sobs meeting with only mild success.Her breathsbecame quick and jagged.
“Oh,” Isaac said, breaking out into a grin.“Is my knightlosing her grace?”
She tried to smile back.The tears kept coming.
“Actually,” he said, poking her chest, “I don’t think you’remy knight at all.She’s always so flippant and strong.Oh, she makes me weak atthe knees, just thinking about her heroics, her charm, her eagerness to laugh.I’ve hardly ever seen her cry.”
“Isaac,” Zaria whined.
