She smiled as she lay her head back, aware of how incredibly lucky she was to have Jo in her life. She hadn’t thought itpossible just last night, and if she was being entirely honest with herself, she wasn’t sure she quite believed it yet.
Her heart sank when she realised she had yet to break the news about them to Callum. For so long, she’d worried about him noticing the way Amelia looked at Jo. For so long, she’d wanted to keep the peace…even when he’d cheated and broken Jo’s heart. But now? Now she didn’t care what he thought about any of this. He would find out eventually, it was inevitable, and all Amelia could do at this point was brace herself for whatever came of it.
As she rubbed her thumb over the inside of her wrist, a method she’d used over the years when she felt anxious, Jo’s door flew open, and she entered like thunder. Amelia looked up, her stomach lurching when she noted Jo’s bright red face. Her jaw was clenched, her hands were balled into fists, and she stood rooted to her spot, the air around her vibrating with tension.
Amelia’s heart leapt up into her throat, her body reacting before her brain could catch up. She flinched, shifting further back on the couch as Jo stared back at her. “W-what… I didn’t?—”
The realisation dawned on Jo as her eyes widened. “Shit. I didn’t mean to…” Jo’s voice broke. “I’m not angry with you, Amelia. Christ, I’m so sorry.”
Amelia swallowed. “It’s okay. You just startled me.”
“No, it’s not okay.” Jo dropped to her knees in front of her, hesitating as her hand hovered near Amelia’s. She didn’t lower it. Instead, she pressed her chin to her chest and sighed. “You looked at me like you were terrified of me.”
Amelia reached out and brushed a tear from Jo’s cheek. “Hey, it’s okay. I’m fine. I just didn’t expect you to come bursting through the door.” Her hand remained against Jo’s cheek as she asked, “What’s happened?”
Jo exhaled slowly, then sat beside her, closing her hand over Amelia’s. “I went to see him.”
“Callum?” Amelia’s breath caught. “Why?”
“I couldn’t not after what you told me. After what he said to you. I called, he answered, and he was still at your place.” Jo’s nostrils flared. “After you told him to leave…he’s there, without a care in the world.”
Amelia lowered her gaze. “I’m not surprised. Why do you think I didn’t protest when you told me to stay before? I don’t want to see him, and I knew he’d be there.”
“Can I ask you something? You can tell me to mind my own business, but I was thinking on the way home in the car…”
Amelia frowned. “What is it?”
“When we spoke about your dating life last month, does it all relate back to your past?”
“Yes.” Amelia laughed and shook her head. “Pathetic, isn’t it?”
“Not at all, but would you tell me about it? I want to understand so I know wherenotto go wrong.”
Amelia’s lips parted, her mouth suddenly dry. “You really want to hear about the ways I’ve destroyed everything I’ve touched?”
“I want to knowyou,” Jo said simply. “All of you.”
Amelia guessed that it was better to continue with her honesty. If she had any hopes of keeping Jo, then it was time to lay it all bare. “There were precisely two serious relationships after my ex-husband was arrested. The first was about three years after he went to prison. I was barely standing upright emotionally, but I’d convinced myself I was healed enough to love someone.”
Jo listened, stroking her fingertips over the back of Amelia’s hand.
“Leanne. She was lovely. Soft, caring, patient with me…at first. But I was distant. I had triggers I didn’t understand back then and flashbacks that would render me speechless. I’d flinchat sudden noises, retreat at the scent of certain smells or raised voices, and she couldn’t handle it. She didn’t want to have to tiptoe around me anymore.”
“I’m so sorry,” Jo whispered.
“I don’t blame her. I wasn’t ready.” Amelia absently brushed her thumb over Jo’s hand. “And then I met Sophia. God, I thought she was the one. She was magnetic, confident. She waseverythingI’d ever admired in another woman.”
“What happened?”
“She liked control. Which worked, in some ways…for a while. Until she used that control to isolate me. She made me feel like my PTSD was a burden, like I was lucky she was sticking around.”
Jo’s fingers tightened around hers.
“She didn’t hurt me, but she knew how to make me doubt myself. She knew how to manipulate silence and guilt. She knew how to make me feel like I was the problem.”
Jo’s jaw tensed.
“It didn’t end well,” Amelia said, staring down at their hands. “And when it did, I promised myself I’dneverput that kind of power in anyone else’s hands again. Then years later, I started going to Satin. I needed to feel in control and safe. The dark was the best place for me.”
