Amelia watched her, her heart aching to reach out and help Jo. “Are you okay?”
“No, obviously not.” Jo exhaled through her nose, a little wobbly on her feet. “You don’t need to babysit me or pretend that you give a fuck about me.”
The silence that followed was deafening, heavy with everything they couldn’t say. Everything theyusedto say with their hands and mouths in the dark was now crumbling under the weight of the truth.
Amelia considered leaving, but she couldn’t. “You’ve been drinking.”
“No shit.” Jo tilted her head with a sarcastic smile. “But thanks for reminding me.”
Amelia took a cautious step forward. “I’m not trying to patronise you. I just…” Her voice wavered. “I know what this is. Iknowthis kind of drunk.”
“Do you?”
Amelia nodded. “I used to drink like this a lot. When I didn’t want to feel anything…when I wanted to forget I ever loved someone.”
Jo flinched at the wordloved.
Amelia swallowed. “You don’t have to pretend with me.”
“You’re not serious?” Jo scoffed. “That’s rich coming from you.”
Amelia winced. “I deserved that.”
Jo finally looked at her, her expression a storm of conflict and exhaustion. “I don’t even know what I’m doing here.”
Amelia did. She knew because she’d been doing the same thing. Chasing ghosts in dim lighting and hoping that alcohol and distraction may just offer some kind of relief. But it never did, not when you were in love. Not when the woman who’d shattered you was standing two feet away, looking just as broken.
Jo cast her gaze between them. “You were crying.”
“Yeah. Seems to be all I do lately.”
“Because of me?”
“Because of us. Because of the mistakes I’ve made.”
Jo leaned back against the wall, her arms folded across her chest. “There is no us.”
“I know, and that’s my fault.” Amelia blinked back tears when Jo’s bottom lip quivered. “If I hadn’t done what I did, if I’d just been honest and open from the beginning, I don’t know. Maybe it could have all meant something more. Maybe you wouldn’t be standing here, disappointed to see me in your space.”
The pain in Jo’s voice took Amelia’s breath away as she said, “I didn’t think it would hurt so much.”
Amelia reached for the edge of the sink again, holding herself up. “Jo, I’m so sorry.” Jo looked away, her jaw clenched. Amelia wanted to reach out, to press her hand to Jo’s cheek and kiss away the hurt, but she didn’t deserve that right anymore. So instead, she asked, “Do you want me to go?”
Jo just stood there, her head bowed as her fingers picked at the edge of her sleeve. It was clear she was trying to hold herself together, and it only made Amelia feel ten times worse.
“No,” Jo said, her voice trembling. “But I think you should.”
“Okay.” She didn’t ask for forgiveness, and she didn’t beg for more time. Amelia simply walked past Jo with her heart in her throat, brushing her shoulder as she went. The contact was brief, but it was enough to ground her. It was enough to remind her what it felt like to be near the woman she loved. She would leave Jo in the bathroom, but not because she wanted to. She would leave because she knew that if she didn’t, she’d break all over again. “Bye, Jo.”
Chapter Twenty-One
Amelia satat the breakfast bar, still in her robe, nursing the same cup of coffee she’d been clutching for the last hour. The house was far too quiet this morning, lingering with heartbreak and regret…guilt for everything she had done. The sunlight spilled in through the kitchen blinds, the birds chirped outside, but none of it mattered this morning. Amelia was officially cold and dead inside.
For the third night in a row, she hadn’t slept. Her eyes were raw from crying, her heart was bruised and broken beyond repair, and every fucking corner of the house reminded her of Jo. The soft, pastel pink throw on the armchair she used to wrap around herself, the wine glasses sitting clean on the counter from that night they’d laughed over Rioja and too many olives months ago. Her world had shrunk down to the space where Jo had once belonged, and now it just felt empty.
When the doorbell rang, Amelia flinched. She wasn’t expecting anyone, so she waited for a moment, listening,hopingmaybe it was a delivery. But when it rang again, longer this time, more impatient, she dragged herself to her feet and walked down the hallway.
She opened the door slowly.
