Amelia stepped forward instinctively, her arms half-raised before she lowered them to her sides again. She was desperate…exposed in a way she hadn’t been in decades. When Jo took a step back, Amelia’s tears threatened all over again. This woman couldn’t stand to be in the same room as her, and Amelia only had herself to blame. “I didn’t plan for any of this to happen. You were hurting and I just?—”
“You lied to me for weeks, Amelia.”
“I know, and I hate myself for it.”
Jo’s voice broke. “You let me say things in that room. You let me do things. You knew it was you, and you still let me—” She cut herself off and turned her back. “I can’t even look at you.”
“I didn’t do it to hurt you. Ineverwanted to hurt you.” Amelia chanced a step closer again, placing a careful hand on Jo’s shoulder. “Please believe me when I say I never wanted to hurt you.”
“You’ve made me feel like a fool.” Jo spun around. “I trusted you. I trustedLia. And you…you kept up this lie, and I didn’t know who the hell I was talking to.”
Amelia took a breath, knowing that brutal honesty was the only way she would get through to Jo, but even that didn’t feel like a possibility right now. “I was scared, okay? I didn’t think you’d want me if you knew it was me. I thought that maybe a part of you could be free in that room without the weight of who I am. Whoweare to one another.”
Jo scoffed. “So you thought deception was the answer?”
“No,” Amelia whispered. “I thought it was the only way I’d get to be close to you. The only way you’d let me in.” She wanted to reach out and touch Jo’s face, to feel that skin against her own, even if only to ground her, but she wouldn’t dare. Instead, she would say what she had to say, and then she would leave. “I know I’ve hurt you, and I know you’ll never forgive me, but Ihave to live with that now. That’s a pain I’m not sure I can carry, but I deserve it.”
“I don’t know who you are.”
“Maybe you don’t, not anymore, but I will say that I finally know whoyouare. Behind the pain and the anguish, away from the torment and the hurt Callum caused you…you’re the most beautiful woman I’ve ever had the pleasure of knowing.” Amelia lifted a hand and stroked her thumb against Jo’s cheek. “In that room, you were yourself. In that room, you valued yourself, and you didn’t let what he did to you affect you. Seeing that, being a part of something so beautiful and transformative…I feelprivilegedto have been the one in that room the night you walked in.”
Amelia leaned in and kissed Jo’s cheek, lingering for a moment longer. “I hope you continue to rebuild yourself, Jo. I hope you find the love of your life and thrive in ways you never would have done with Callum…or me. You deserve something extraordinary, and though you won’t see me again, Iwillbe cheering you on. I’ll be out there, waiting for the day when I hear you’re married, or you’ve just moved into a beautiful new home with your partner.”
Jo looked away and folded her arms across her chest, blinking back tears.
“I’ll go, but please know that I’m so very sorry for hurting you.” Amelia didn’t want to go; she wanted to fall to her knees and beg for forgiveness, but Jo wasn’t hearing her, and Amelia knew she never would. “I’d say I’m always here if you ever need anything, but I know you won’t take me up on it. So, all I can really say is that I hope you’ll be safe, and don’t let this experience with me ruin your relationships moving forward.”
Amelia walked to the front door and took her coat from the hook. Her heart felt painfully heavy, her limbs numb, and as she turned and took one final glance at Jo, she knew she’d fucked itall up. “I love you.” Tears slid down Amelia’s cheeks as she put that out into the world. “Not as Lia and not because of Satin. I loveyou, Jo. I have for a long time, even when I shouldn’t have.”
Jo didn’t look at her. She didn’t move, she didn’t speak, she didn’t give any hint of a reconciliation in the future. So, Amelia turned the handle and left Jo’s flat, her chest caving in as she landed on the doorstep with tears running down her face.
As the door closed behind her, Amelia knew that she’d lost Jo once and for all.
Chapter Twenty
Amelia hadn’t plannedto come to Satin tonight, but two days of silence from Jo had been more than enough to unravel her. The way Jo had stood in the middle of her flat and barely looked at her…it replayed over and over, stuck on a brutal loop Amelia couldn’t escape. She’d tried to sleep, but she couldn’t. She’d tried to work and failed. Her hands seemed to continuously tremble whenever she typed out the planning permission email she knew needed sending, and her throat seized up whenever she picked up the phone. Everything in her life had been so carefully ordered before Jo, and now it was all falling apart.
When Evie had called her a few hours ago, Amelia had been soaking in the bath, crying into the bubbles surrounding her. She had claimed she wasn’t crying at all, insisting she was merely thinking, and that had been the moment when Evie had told her to think like the rest of them…in a pair of heels, and a dress that would make the entirety of Satin salivate on Amelia’s arrival.
So now, here she was. Lounging sideways on a velvet couch with a drink in her hand and the familiar spark that often ignited in her chest when she was at the club. She wore a gown with a split that finished high up her thigh, a deep burgundy colourwith a Bardot neckline, ruched detailing cinching at the waist for that sculpted silhouette look that Amelia preferred. As she looked down, she realised the edges of her lace lingerie were just about visible. She hadn’t intended for them to show, but then again, she hadn’t intended to do much…except for forget.
The woman beside her, Emily, traced her fingers teasingly along the inside of Amelia’s thigh, and Amelia hadn’t even bothered to stop her. It wasn’t that she wanted to sleep with another woman tonight, but she felt hollow inside, and this attention was better than drowning.
“You’re tense.” Emily leaned in, her breath warm against Amelia’s ear. “You want me to loosen you up?”
Amelia’s eyes drifted to the shadows on the other side of the room, the familiar play of candlelight and silhouettes behind sheer curtains. The same flicker of secrets she used to love about this place. The same corner where she and Jo had once sat with drinks, before either of them had admitted they were slowly coming undone.
“I know that look.” Emily’s hand skimmed higher, and Amelia shivered. “You’ve been left wanting, haven’t you?”
A pathetic smile curled on Amelia’s lips. “Something like that.”
“Then, how about…” Emily ghosted her lips along Amelia’s jaw. “I help you forget.”
Amelia closed her eyes and allowed herself to lean into the moment. Her body didn’t care that it wasn’t Jo, her nerves lit up anyway, so when Emily’s mouth brushed hers, she didn’t pull away. If this was what it took to forget, then so be it. Jo didn’t want her, and she never would again. The woman she was hopelessly in love with couldn’t even look her in the fucking eye.
But then…
“Amelia?”
