Jo’s eyes locked onto Amelia’s again, and for a moment, it felt like everything else had fallen away. The people, the music, the ambience…none of it mattered in this moment.
But then Amelia looked down, pretending to adjust the sleeve of her robe. She wasn’t ready to say what she needed to say. Not yet. Because wanting Jo had never been the problem.
It was keeping her…after.
After Amelia’s past. After the truth. After the dark.
After all of it.
The conversation had driftedinto silence again, but Amelia didn’t mind. Sitting with Jo like this—close, calm, her fingers toying with the stem of her glass—it was more than she’d expected tonight. But she’d noticed that Jo wasn’t still. She kept glancing around the lounge, her eyes subtly scanning the space as though she was looking for someone. She’d look away when she caught Amelia watching, but her attention always returned to the same quiet corners of the room.
Amelia watched her for a moment longer, then said, “Are you looking for someone?”
Jo hesitated. Her eyes darted away again, and this time she didn’t try to hide it. “I’m just…” She exhaled through her nose and gave a shrug. “I keep wondering if she’s here.”
“You mean Lia?”
Jo nodded. “It’s not even a Friday night, and she’s probably not the type to hang around midweek.”
Amelia forced her face to remain neutral, even as her stomach twisted.
“I just…I don’t know,” Jo continued, her voice barely above a whisper. “I’ve beendyingto be alone with her again. All last week and now this week. It’s like something about her just—” She cut herself off and huffed a laugh. “God, listen to me. I sound obsessed.”
“You don’t.” Amelia shook her head. “It makes sense.”
“It’s more than just the sex,” Jo said quickly, as though she was trying to defend herself. “I mean, the sex isincredible, but it’s the way I feel when I’m with her. I can let go and forget that I’m broken. The connection is…intense.”
God, Amelia wanted to reach out and pull Jo into her arms. She wanted to do so much more than sit here, pretending to be the concerned mother of Jo’s ex. Right now, she didn’t give a fuck who she was to this woman. She just wanted to be her everything.
“I miss that. I miss her,” Jo murmured, her eyes lifting once more towards the far hallway that led to the private rooms. “I keep thinking that if I can just be with her again, I’ll stop feeling like this. This…stuck.” Jo visibly swallowed and shook her head. “I think I must have fucked up the last time I was here.”
Amelia’s brows drew together. “I’m sorry?”
“The night I came here…last weekend, she wasn’t here. She hasn’t been here since, I don’t think. Or…she knows I’m likely to be around and she doesn’t want to see me in that room anymore.” The pain in Jo’s eyes was almost too much for Amelia to take. “Even the faceless woman who sleeps with strangers all the time knows I’m not good enough. I’m a real fucking catch, aren’t I?”
Amelia could feel her heart pounding in her throat, her skin prickling with shame. The woman Jo longed for—the one who made her feel whole, desirable, and safe—was sitting right beside her. And she was nothing more than a fucking coward.
“I guess I just wish I could have had one more night with her, but I knew it was too good to be true. Maybe that’s why I came here tonight. Maybe I was using meeting you as an excuse, while hoping she would be here. But she’s not, I checked before when you went to the bathroom. Nobody is in those rooms tonight.”
For a split second, Amelia considered it. Shealmoststood up, walked to the reception, and booked the dark room under her alias. She could have found a reason to leave Jo sitting here while she changed into the version Jo was so desperate to be with. She could invite her in and touch her. She could make herforget and give her what she needed. Shecouldbe Lia again, just for tonight.
But something inside her recoiled.
It felt different now. More deceptive than it had ever felt before. It no longer felt like just a fantasy or an escape. No, it felt cruel. Because Jowasn’tchoosing her. She didn’t know who she was choosing at all. And Amelia couldn’t live inside that lie anymore.
She looked over at Jo again, took in the furrow between her brows, the restlessness in her body and the way she kept pressing her thighs together subtly under the table like she was trying to calm the ache without drawing attention to it.
She was so alive, yet so vulnerable.
But Amelia couldn’t bring herself to become the lie again. Not tonight. Not when it would mean keeping Jo in the dark just to feel wanted. She drew in a steady breath. “Maybe tonight’s just not meant for that.”
Jo smiled weakly. “Yeah. Maybe not.”
But she didn’t sound convinced.
Amelia wanted to reach across the table and take her hand. To say, ‘She’s not here tonight because she’s sitting right in front of you’, but her throat closed around the words.
She’d initially told herself she was protecting Jo. Now, it felt like she was just protecting herself.
