Amelia hadn’t meant to get that close at the door. She certainly hadn’t planned it. But when Jo had looked at her likethat, when her breath had hitched, and her lips had parted, it had felt impossiblenotto close the gap between them. It seemed as though they were caught in a tangled web that neither of them could break free from.
But Jo had resistedjustin time.
And now Amelia didn’t know where that left them.
She stared at the screen, at the messages they’d exchanged the night before. Her heart beat a little harder, and her throat constricted. Amelia knew what she had to do. She opened a new message, her fingers trembling as she typed.
I’m going to step back out of your life, Jo. I think you need space away from me, and I think you’re too much of a sweetheart to admit that. So, I’ll do it for you. Be safe and take care of yourself x
Amelia’s thumb paused over the send button as her eyes burned. But then she sent it, stupidly waiting for a response even though one likely wouldn’t come. Hadn’t Jo told her tonight that she didn’t want to risk losing what they already had? Hadn’t that been one of the reasons she knew they couldn’t go any further? Yet here Amelia was…making the decision for her.
A tear slipped down her cheek before she could stop it.
She brushed it away, angry with herself for ever letting it get this far. She was too old and too careful for this. She was too guarded to be crying over someone who deserved the most incredible love. A love Amelia likely couldn’t offer. But that didn’t stop the tears falling onto her blouse as she curled further into the couch, her phone clenched in her hand like it was the only thing anchoring her.
The screen lit up suddenly.
No. Please don’t step back. I just need some space to work through things in my head. I’m not running, and I’m not asking you to run either. I just need some time to think x
Amelia didn’t know what to make of the message, but she felt a little more positive as she reread it. She couldn’t offer much, but she could offer the bare minimum.
Take all the time and space you need x
That response felt both too much and not enough, but Amelia didn’t dare add anything more. She didn’t trust herself not to say something she couldn’t take back. So she placed her phone on the cushion beside her, rolled onto her back, and stared up at the ceiling.
Jo needed time.
And Amelia would wait for the outcome.
Chapter Twelve
The morning lightwas already pouring through the curtains when Jo opened her eyes. She lay still, the duvet half hanging off the bed, her hair sticking to the back of her neck. Her flat was silent, no surprise there, just the sound of the heating coming to life as the radiators filled with water. It was far too early for a Sunday morning, but sleep had been hard to come by all night. Instead, Jo had lain awake with everything she didn’t want to feel.
She sat up slowly, her elbows braced on her knees as she lowered her head to her hands. Her phone was still on the nightstand, where she’d eventually placed it down sometime after midnight. After she’d stared at Amelia’s last message long enough to memorise it.
Take all the time and space you need x
She closed her eyes and bit her lip. The guilt from last night hadn’t subsided, and she didn’t imagine it would any time soon. How she’d almost kissed Amelia. The way she’d leaned in, wanting so badly to taste her lips, only to step back like a coward. The hurt in Amelia’s eyes as she’d turned to leave.
God.
Jo hadn’t wanted to pull away, not really, but the moment had come out of nowhere, and she’d panicked. Because there wasso muchweight behind what they were doing. There was so much history and so many consequences. She didn’t want to mess it up. She couldn’t bear to be the reason Amelia regretted anything.
But now, with the sun creeping across the wooden floor and the guilt settled firmly in her belly, Jo wasn’t sure if pulling away had protected either of them. All she knew was that she missed Amelia, and that last night had changed something between them.
She made her way into the kitchen barefoot, flicked the kettle on, and stood by the counter. As she folded her arms and stared at the tiled splashback, she knew the answer. She wanted Amelia. Not in a fleeting way and not just sharing dinner or having drinks at the club. She wanted the mess, the depth, and the terrifying vulnerability of more. And that was what she wasn’t sure she was ready for. Not because she didn’t care, but because she cared too much.
Jo made her tea and carried it to the window, cradling the mug in both hands. The world was already awake outside, but Jo barely had the strength to move today. She heard a dog bark in the distance as a couple walked past with takeaway coffee, and everything just seemed…normal. Ordinary. Safe.
You need to get out of your head and live your life!
Jo had spent so long chasing distractions—first in the dark, then in denial—and now that she’d finally stopped running, everything hurt that little bit more. Perhaps she should have just left well enough alone. Maybe she never should have agreed to dinner with Amelia. Nothing seemed clearer this morning. Not really.
She set her mug down and reached for her phone, opening the message thread with Amelia. No new messages. Just the last thing Amelia had written. Still there. Still waiting.
Take all the time and space you need x
Jo exhaled a deep breath. Maybe it was time to stop being afraid of what she wanted.
