Jo picked up her wine glass again and stared into it as though the answer could be hiding at the bottom. “Both,” she finally admitted. “If nothing happens, I feel like I’ll always wonder. You know, did I let something real slip through my fingers because I was too scared to take a chance? But if somethingdoeshappen…”
“You’ll be opening a door that doesn’t close again,” Ada finished gently.
Jo simply nodded, aware of the emotion working its way up her throat.
“Yeah.” Ada sat back with a sigh. “That’s a lot.”
“It is.”
They sat in silence, sipping wine as the weight of Jo’s confession settled in the room. It was a gorgeous evening outside, the light remaining a little longer with each passing day as spring started to bloom, but in here…where Jo was constantly in her own head, it felt heavy and uncertain.
Ada slid a hand over Jo’s. “You know, youareallowed to want something good, even if it’s complicated.”
Jo swallowed the lump in her throat, blinking repeatedly as she looked down, her thumb swiping idly across the rim of her glass. “I think I’m just tired of everything feeling wrong. I’mtired of wondering if I’ll be enough for someone again someday…and when I’m not thinking that, I’m tired of everything feeling like a risk.”
Ada squeezed Jo’s hand. “Maybe that’s how you know it’s worth it. When it feels like a risk”
Jo laughed. “God, when did you get so wise?”
“Please. I’ve been giving good advice since I was ten.” Ada shrugged. “No one listened then either.”
Jo rested her head back, grateful for Ada and the honesty she always brought out of her without really trying. That was the true sign of a strong friendship.
Jo’s phone buzzed again, her stomach somersaulting as she reached for it.
Another message from Amelia.
And I just wanted to say that I’ll miss you and our coffee catch-ups if I’ve ruined everything and you don’t want to see me anymore. You’re the only person who makes me laugh most days. So, if you can find some time in your schedule over the next few weeks for dinner or even just coffee, let me know. I can put what I feel for you aside. No pressure x
God, that stupid littlex.
Jo pressed her phone to her chest and closed her eyes for a moment.
“Another sweet one?” Ada asked, bringing Jo from all thoughts of Amelia.
Jo nodded. “Yeah.”
“So what are you going to do?”
Truthfully, Jo didn’t know what to do. She would always want to spend time with Amelia, that was a given, but now she had to decide if that was time as friends…or as something more. Surely if they both felt whatever the hell they seemed tobe feeling, then maybe itwasa risk worth taking. “I don’t know yet,” she said. “But I think I need to see her.”
“Itwillbe okay, you know.”
Jo managed a smile, but inside, nothing felt okay. “I guess time will tell.”
Chapter Ten
Woundtight as she eased onto one of the velvet couches, Jo closed her eyes and tried to focus onanythingother than Amelia. She’d struggled all day. The early evening hadn’t been much better. But she was here now, seated beside Ada in the soft, low-lit calm of the club, praying she could forget, even if only for a couple of hours.
Her only hope now was that Lia would be where she usually was. In the dark room.
But even that didn’t feel certain tonight. Jo hadn’t filled out her usual paperwork on arrival. She hadn’t brought it to the table either. The hesitation had crept in the moment she’d stepped through the door, and now it sat heavy in her chest.
She still felt awful for blowing Amelia off, for…choosing this place over a quiet dinner somewhere warm and familiar with someone who knew her. And maybe that was the problem. Ameliaknewher. Lia didn’t.
“There’s no use being stuck in your own head in here, Jo,” Ada said, leaning in and squeezing her knee. “Relax and enjoy yourself. You should be used to switching off in here by now.”
Jo exhaled, trying to shift the weight from her shoulders. “I can’t get her out of my fucking head, Ada.”
