“Have you not seen Max and Ivy? Brooklyn and Liam? Even Paige and Alfie?” I listed all the couples I knew.
“Yeah, and I also saw Ander and Daisy,” he groaned, reminding me that love wasn't all rainbows and butterflies. “And my parents.”
I blinked at his realization dawning on me. “Of course,”
“Yeah,” he sighed and shook his head, before motioning for me to keep on walking.
“Don't you...” I started before stopping myself.
“Go on, Thron. Don't go soft on me now,” he teased.
I mulled over my words before I slowly said them. “Don't you miss connecting with someone on a deeper level? Feeling like they understand you? That they know you almost better than you know yourself?”
“You have friends for that,” he shrugged like it didn't matter.
And I tried my best not to get offended. “So, Max knows you better than I do?”
The words were out before I could stop myself. Maybe a year ago, the answer would have been yes to that question, but I knew deep in my bones that it was no longer true. We had a connection, a relationship where we both shared things no one knew about. And we both wanted to kiss the other. If that display on the field was any indication. But we haven't talked about that; we just swept it under the rug and went on pretending.
“You know me very well, Rosebud.” There he went again, using nicknames just to piss me off. “You and I are friends.”
The word left a sour taste in my mouth. You didn't want to kiss your friends.
Or maybe, if you were Derek, you wouldn’t have cared who you kissed.
“What's that look for?” he asked, his eyes roaming my face.
I wasn't sure if I grimaced, looked shocked, or hurt, so instead I pulled my lips into my practiced smile. The one I used to wear while on stage.
“Nothing. Let's go, we should catch up to them,” I motioned towards the trail. “I have to be a good friend to Daisy, too.”
I pushed the word 'friend' like an offended toddler, but I didn't care. Why did I even for a second think I had a chance with him? I was so delusional.
I verbally berated myself as Derek obliged and we walked the trail in silence. Yet, despite the turmoil of my emotionswhen it came to him, it wasn't an uncomfortable, heavy silence. It was safe.
“I think I see her,” Dex muttered and pointed at the two figures settling onto the bench. Jeremy reached to wrap his arm over Daisy's shoulder just like Derek did with me earlier. She leaned into his touch and rested her head on his shoulder.
My heart did a little happy dance watching them, and I felt my lips pull into a smile. I just loved love.
“Let's sit,” Dex offered, his eyes on me instead of our mission, and pulled me to a nearby bench. We were far enough to give them privacy, but close enough in case anything went wrong. Plus, we had an amazing view of the sunset. We weren't up enough for the full show, but still, the way the blues slowly turned to pink fascinated me. “It's so pretty up here, I used to come all the time when we would run.”
“Why'd you stop?” I asked without thinking. Since we were friends, I could ask questions.
“My injury. Sunrise runs were our thing with Max and Maddox. Now they do it with Ivy instead of me.”
I contemplated his words. “Maybe you should join them tomorrow morning.”
Derek shrugged. “It's not that simple.”
“Do you have running shoes?” I asked, turning to look at me, only to find his eyes on me. “And workout clothes?”
He slowly grinned. “Yeah...”
“Oh, look, you're ready to run!” I matched his grin. “Just show up. Even if you end up walking, I think you can do it. The only one stopping you from doing it is yourself. Get out of your own way and enjoy the run.”
“You sound like my therapist. I'm scared to re-injure myself, and also I’m much slower than they are, so I stopped joining.”
I think that was one of the first times he admitted it out loud, and it was a great first step toward his mental recovery.
