“Hey.” He squeezed my hand. “You're nineteen. You have time to figure out new dreams.”
“What if I don't know how? What if I'm so used to having one singular focus that I don't know how to want multiple things?”
“Then we figure it out together.” Derek's thumb traced circles on my palm. “You help me remember I'm more than just soccer, and I'll help you remember you're more than just ballet. Deal?”
I looked at him, at this boy who understood loss in a way most people didn't, who was fighting his own battles while helping me fight mine.
“Deal.” I leaned my head on his shoulder for a split second before realizing what I was doing. It was dangerous to feel comfortable with him. “For the record, I think you would've made an excellent firefighter.”
“Yeah?”
“Yeah. You're good at saving people.”
“Only the ones worth saving.”
“So just me?” I teased with a smile.
He pressed a kiss to my temple. “Just you, Rosebud. Just you.”
My cheeks burned as his lips brushed my skin, and thousands of butterflies flapped around my stomach. “I'm going to dance with the girls. I'll see you for our first class on Monday.”
I felt his eyes follow me as I exited the kitchen, walked across the living room, and met the girls on the dance floor. No matter the distance or the people coming between us, I felt his gaze never leave my body.
CHAPTER FIVE
DEREK
Sweat trickled down my spine as I ran on the padded treadmill specifically designed for long runs. Not like mine was long, but because of my knee. The pavement runs were fun, but they put a lot of pressure on my knees, and today I opted for a safety measure. Both Max and Maddox came with me to the gym. Our feet slammed almost in unison onto the treadmill as we kept pace with each other, almost like we were running outside. The echo of our footsteps bounced off the walls, as no one came in that early for a workout at the gym facilities reserved for the sports team. In the mirror behind me, I saw the free weights and benches lined up, and next to the treadmills, bikes sat in long rows. Cardio and weights, depending on the day, were the key to our success. Loud, upbeat music blasted through the speakers, and Madox turned the AC to almost freezing to mirror the wind and the cold outside. Despite all that, I got rid of both my shirt and sweater as we neared the end of our 5-mile run.
“You had a drink,” Max mentioned casually, his tone even, no accusation in it.
I thought back to the three sips of beer I took and groaned in disgust. “Yeah, it was Zero Beer. Tasted like cold piss.”
Maddox laughed, and I was reminded of Rosie and her distaste for alcoholic drinks. Pride bloomed in my chest that she liked my G&T. It wasn't anything special, but every small win was meaningful to her.
For some reason, I wanted to make her laugh and smile again. I needed to bring back old Rosie, the one I grew to like over the last semester. That girl was easy, chill, and the most fun person to be around.
But something happened to her over the summer, and I only occasionally caught glimpses of the Rosie I knew. The ones whose company I craved day in and day out as I lay in the hospital bed and went to rehab. She used to be my guiding light, the reason I didn't fall into a loop of hatred when I lost everything.
I never thought that with my recovery, I would lose the one thing that got me through it.
Her.
Still, I had to remind myself, she was never mine to keep.
“Hey, we're done,” Max slapped me on the back, dragging me out of my mind, as I dropped the speed of my treadmill.
“You gave me a heart attack.”
“You're not focused,” Maddox muttered, his dark eyes boring into me. “Why aren't you focused?”
“I just have a lot on my mind,” I used the lamest excuse, and the way my teammate arched his brow in question was proof.
“Name one.”
“I don't know, the fact that I have PTSD?” I rolled my eyes, saying the one thing that was weighing me down the most, and they stared at me wide-eyed. “Let's not pretend I wasn't the hot topic, and you all haven't noticed.
“No one is trying to hurt you now,” Max reassured me, which was lame. I knew that, but my brain still played tricks on me.
