“That’s not a bad thing, right?”
“You and Logan get in a fight?” Hollyn asks, raising her eyebrows.
“No,” I say, feeling a bit petulant. “Not a fight exactly. He thinks I do things because people need me to do them and not because I want to do them.”
“You think he’s wrong?”
“He’s probably right.” Heisright. “And yes, at times, I’ve sacrificed what I wanted for something someone else needed…”
“Like Dalton,” Hollyn says, watching me closely. “You certainly weren’t yourself with him by the end. More like the perfect politician’s wife.” Hollyn tries to catch my eyes. “You seem happier now, though.”
“I’m feeling more like myself. And I don’t think the fact that I like to be needed is always a negative.”
“Did he imply it was?”
“He thinks I only showed up to his away games because Tamiko needed me to calm down public perceptions.”
“Is that why you went?”
“Yes, but if I didn’t want to go, I wouldn’t have.” I pause for a minute to consider whether that statement is true. “I wouldn’t have stayed the whole run of games if I didn’t want to be with him.” Of that, I’m sure.
“Maybe that’s all he needs to hear.”
“I understand why it would matter to me,” I say. Given what happened with Dalton, I’m trying to avoid giving up too much of myself for someone else again. “But I don’t know why he’d care.”
Hollyn eases back into the couch more and dangles her glass of iced tea from her hand. “He grew up like me a bit, didn’t he? Not much of a family.”
“Chayton and his dad are the closest things he has to family.” I don’t mention the new crop who’ve appeared. They aren’t a true connection yet.
“The best thing Nate ever did for me was want me, love me, for me. I’d been loved because I was someone else’s daughter, because I was helpful, but he was the first person who saw me and loved me for me. All of me. It’s a gift that I think… You’ve always known that your siblings wanted you around, right? You’re all pretty tight now. Maybe you’ve never neededthattype of validation. You want to be useful, and honestly, Logan probably just wants to be loved. He wants to be chosen. He probably wants to feel like you’re choosing him. Showing up for him. Separate from what he can do—it’s more about who he is.”
“Oh god,” I breathe out because that makessomuch sense. Ever since he started playing hockey, he’s been chosen—for the best teams, the best lines—people are constantly choosing him. For a kid who grew up feeling discarded, that must have been heady stuff. And part of the reason he works so hard is probably because he doesn’t want to be left behind.
On top of that, I bet he’s never put himself in a position where heaskeda person to pick him for anything outside hockey. Even his relationship with Chayton and his father came about because of hockey.
But he asked me to travel with the team, and he told me it was a big deal for him to ask. At the time, I was too deep into not giving into my desire to be needed, so Icouldn’tsay yes. I needed to learn boundaries, even as he was trying to take his down. Then Tamiko needs me to go, and Idosay yes.
“I have to go,” I say, getting to my feet. “Thank you. This was actually really helpful.”
Hollyn laughs. “I’m glad I can beactuallyreally helpful.”
“I thought I needed Nate’s perspective on me, but it turns out I needed your perspective on Logan.”
“Do you want me to tell Nate you stopped by?”
“Just tell him to call me if he ever meets with Wyatt Burgess and Ellie Cooper again. I’d love a chance to be starstruck.” ThenI’m out the door and headed for Logan’s apartment. If I’m lucky, I’ll be there before he is.
Chapter Thirty
Logan
“Doc!” I call out when I get home. Her car wasn’t in the lot, but for some reason, I’m still holding out hope. By the time I left for the photo shoot and the commercial, I thought we were okayish. At least enough that she’d be here. I should have kept my mouth shut.
Whyshe shows up for me shouldn’t matter, and I hate that it’s like a canker, irritating me every time we’re together.
The package of sex toys I ordered a while ago is on the kitchen island, and I rip it open. Probably a stupid idea, anyway.
My phone buzzes with a text, and I take it out of my pocket. My manager wants me to call when I’m done with the photo shoot and commercial. He’s probably not expecting me to be done yet. Normally brand endorsements are worse than having a tooth pulled with no pain relief. But I was so keen to get home tonight that whatever they asked me to do, I just did it. No pushbacks. No questions. Obedience to the max.
